Sunday, December 28, 2008

OK Fine, I'll Be Honest

When I first started blogging, over five years ago, I spent a lot of time processing stuff that passed through and/or got stuck in my head, my heart and my spirit. Somewhere along the line, after I switched blog addresses (thank you AOL), I focused more on external happenings.

Well, we're nearing a new year again. I've experienced and created a lot of change and upheaval in the last few months. I've made the commitment to blog or vlog more often. And the only way I can do that is to get back to roots.

Sure I can laugh and share fun photos and stories. That won't change. That's a huge part of who I am. But there are other sides to me, as there are to all of us. It's time to come out and go in again. Does that even make sense? It does to me.

It's been a couple of years since I've experienced such intense anxiety and depression as I have in these last few months. I'm not talking about a down day or a few worries. I'm talking full blown panic, close to dibilitation. I know it's situational. I know my chemistry is off because of it. But it doesn't make it any less intense. In fact, my chest, my heart feels pressure all the time.

I won't bore you with the wahhhs but I've decided that this is my place and I need to be honest. If I can't do it here, then where? Well, I will probably do mirror posts in my transferred blog for those of you who would much rather read over there. (fyi: this is the mirror blog) That's fine. But this is the beginning of another honest road. It won't always be pretty.

One note of importance: This is my journal and I'm committed to focusing on self-reflection. It's never my intention to hurt anyone through my process.


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1 comment:

aims said...

Hey hon!!!

I'm still here. I've been away most of the last week.

Hey, that's what blogs are for and everything can't be a rose garden all the time, right? In order to grow, we have to feel the pain (and deal with it) and weed the garden of life. ::sigh::

Happy (blessed) new year! Love!