Thursday, February 28, 2008

Low Cash Flow

I don't have that day-job anymore.  It's been a week.  I've been catching up on lost creativity and putting feelers out for different/new work.  I know there are a few big things coming up (music, movies, etc) so I am torn about finding a long-term permanent position.

I could go back to dog walking till I know what's around the corner but the last time I did that, I walked dogs for ten years.  I know me.  I have to feel the need in order to make things happen.

If I go back to a way of life that I felt done with (that I still feel done with) then I could still slip into a state of stagnation and let time pass without making moves in other directions.

So I'm interviewing for temporary positions.  If a great long-term opportunity arises in the meantime, then I'll cross that bridge at that moment.  Being a temp has its benefits (unfortunately, not the medical kind).  It gives me and the employer a chance to see if we're a good match.  In this last position, we clearly were not. 

I am not as young and impressionable anymore.  I don't stand for manipulation tactics (and can smell them a mile away).  I also don't do well with micro-management. I was self-employed for ten years.  I work hard. I care about productivity...all on my own.  I don't need anyone breathing over my shoulder.  I enjoy building up a staff and keeping things light, fun and happy.  That's how to achieve results.  But that's my opinion.

My former manager did not share the same opinion.  Which could explain why I was the fourth person to pass through that position in the last six months.  I mean come on, there's only one common denominator.

It's that kind of management that drove me to self-employment in the first place.  Well, that was one of the reasons.

So yeah, I forwarded my updated resume to a former temp agency.  The owner is always begging me to come back and work for her, especially when it's a busy time in the entertainment industry.  It hadn't been busy this season (with the writer's strike).  She's out of the office but her employees practically fell over themselves when they saw my updated experience.

I hope to have work soon.  I'm going a little stir-crazy.  I love sleeping in but I want a plan...and I want food on the table next week.  Or at least a smoothie.

Saturday, February 23, 2008

Oh I don't know

I couldn't sleep.  So I'm up.  Feeling a bit nostalgic and longing for that smooth feeling of comfort, being in my skin.

I'm just realizing it's been a long time since I've been quiet, contemplative and introspective.  There's just so much to do.  I know things come in waves and this is just one of them.  I know there are times when life seems to happen non-stop.  And I'm guessing that's where I've been for almost a year.

Journaling is always available but I'm not always in that mode.  Almost makes me grieve for the days of hand-writing in a hardbound paper journal.  Journaling was like spending time with my best friend.  I never left home without my journal. 

Now it's my computer.  I hardly write on paper anymore.

I just did a little reminiscing in here, remembering freeepeace, and how it all started.  Our journals, the community, the endless reads.  I wonder what happened to the many who were a huge part of my daily online experience. 

I know, I left aol.  I was the one who chose to jump ship - along with many others.  We scattered throughout the cosmos.  As much as I liked the new blog-home, its flexibility and customizable options, it never felt quite the same as journaling here.  Visually, I see aol as a private community (like a college campus) where much of the activities are contained.  There's a common area for gathering.  Others can visit anytime (unless it's a closed meeting or the doors are locked for members only).

I dunno.  I've been watching YouTube lately.  I joined over a year ago but didn't really do much with it.  Today is the 2nd Annual "As One" Gathering in San Francisco.  It reminds me of the aol anniversary events I participated in (virtually) here.  And the gathering we all talked about but never made happen. 

Cory "Mr. Safety" Williams of SMPfilms describes the YouTube gatherings as a way for people to see they do belong to a community.  He says friends who aren't involved in the online community don't understand the connection between members.

So true.  That's how it was when I was so deeply involved with aol journals.  My closest friends - one in particular - had the most difficult time understanding the depth, the ties, the connection.  My experiences were minimized.  The internet as a means of being social seemed too foreign.  If they weren't involved, they couldn't possibly understand.  So they didn't take it seriously.

When I started journaling online, social network sites like myspace and facebook didn't have nearly the buzz or traffic they see today (facebook didn't even exist when I started this journal).  And viral video?  Guru filmmaking?  Vlogging?  They were merely particles of thought...if that!

Just journaling

Sunday, February 17, 2008


I had seriously honest intentions of keeping up with this journal.  The previous post with pictures of the snow in New Hampshire feels so far away.  Well, yes, far as in 3400 miles away.  Also far as in a long time ago.

If you haven't been keeping tabs on my website (no worries), let me see if I can sum up the last three months.

01.  Finished recording the new album.  It's in the final stages.  Should have CDs available by March (fingers crossed).

02.  Enjoyed more and more and more snow through December.  Had a fun-filled family Christmas in New Hampshire.

03.  Hit the road to return to Los Angeles on Christmas night.

04.  Arrived home in Los Angeles before New Years.

05.  One week later, I started working (temping) at a certain prestigious Film School - giving tours, processing applications and gearing up to advise potential new students.  Love the work.  Hate the atmosphere.  Very disorganized.  Staff is under-appreciated.  Morale is extremely low.

06.  I may not last long.

07.  Started Vlogging.

08.  Applying to other day-jobs.  Keeping options open, knowing we're preparing for film production in the fall.

09.  Been nursing a bad headcold for over week.

10.  That brings me to here.  :)