Monday, November 14, 2005

My Own Worst Enemy

My focus must be off.  I'm in a slump.  My attention is anywhere but here lately.

I misplaced a key.  An important key.  A client's key.  It was here.  Now it's gone. 

Gone.  Poof.  Vanished.

I looked everywhere.  Twice.  Three times.

Nothing.

This client is out of town.  I'm her cat's sole caretaker.  I had to call her.

At about this point is where my self-worth is challenged.

Nasty voices in my head.

Claiming some stuff about worthless and undeserving and I told you so.

My client called back and miraculously, there is an extra key. 

We are all saved.

Except from myself.

The cat is just fine.  My client is gracious and understanding.  I'm less forgiving.

I spend the day depriving myself of goodness.  After all, I haven't found the lost key.  How could I be so careless, clueless and clumsy?

I eat crackers for lunch, suffer a headache and fall into a restless afternoon depression.

I wake up without purpose.

My own worst enemy.

Three back-to-back phone calls put things into better perspective.

The final call is from a fellow dogwalker.  She was in a bad car accident over the weekend.  Her car is totaled.  She's in severe pain.  She's on the verge of tears with each breath.

Suddenly, the events of my day are unimportant.

After a few minutes of talking, she relaxes and says to me, "I need to call you every day for a daily dose of Trish."

She knocked me back into myself.  Or out of myself.

The truth is, life is good.  We're alive.  We all have each other, and we have ourselves - all of us.

15 comments:

dkb11161970 said...

i hate to lose things, and i play the same negative self-talk tape; but i've gotten some better about that and also with keeping perspective.  it sounds to me like you have a good handle on that and that's great!  grins, debra

babyshark28 said...

excellent entry, really good.

My focus has been off too, funny how a small earthquake from the core of ourselves, can trigger so many things.  And some times, we have no clue why were off. We just are.

I love the way you ended this.
"The truth is, life is good.  We're alive.  We all have each other, and we have ourselves - all of us."
most excellent!
hugs!

krobbie67 said...

Here! Here! :-) ---Robbie

luckyaugustgirl said...

:) Glad you had a friend to put it all back in perspective for you. Its nice to be needed in that sense.  Sorry you were having an off day, but it sounds like things worked out! :) Everyone has a funk once in awhile, just take the good with the bad, and chalk it up to a crappy karma day. ;) For every crap karma, theres good karma that flushes it down the toliet. ;)

Love and stuff.....and throw in a hug, cause it sounds like you needed one.

~ Sarah

alphawoman1 said...

We are visited in mysterious ways.

coy1234787 said...

Ahhh ... happy ending (well except for your friends accident).
Glad you had the opportunity to give that daily dose of Trish!
                *** Coy ***

heathyrxmarie said...

I know what you mean, girlie.  It's always good to have someone put it into perspective for you.  And I hope you find the key, darling.  I'm so glad that your client was totally understandable!
Hugs,
Heather

mikethedawg said...

Change the tape. Good girl. Now don't forget who you are, okay!

kuhlhiggins said...

Glad you got knocked back into yourself. You are a wonderful person and we all love ya.
Love,
Kat

delela1 said...

Sometimes things become lost so something else can be found.

The key will turn up, when you least expect it.  It happens.

Next time those pesky voices start up again, put a sock in it.  Now you know where all those socks disappear to.

grodygeek said...

Glad to know you can forgive yourself. I really think that is important.

How you feel about those adverts that has everyone else in a snit?

Me? I care not. I don't know why. I guess I've seen them everywhere else.

What are you going to do, its just part of the evolution of the internet.

Gordy
the cycling curmudgeon

queeniemart said...

Trish, hey, we ALL lose things....i had a whole entry about losing my BRA, glasses and keys every single night. Its a joke here. But i have lost keys before and its not funny. I am SO glad your client took it with a grain of salt and realized that it was not that huge of a problem. I hope you are doing well. I love your music.
Sorry to hear your friend is in pain.
Take care!!
lisa

txsguinan said...

I like that phrase ~ "...knocked back into myself."  Exactly.

She reminded you of who you are; someone who impacts people in uniquely positive ways.  So you made a mistake and lost a key ~ you also make many friends, and have an uplifting effect on their spirits, and sometimes lives.

Now stop me before I start singing...Oh no!  Too late...

"People, people who need people...are the luckiest people in the world...."  ;D  

clarity4today said...

I'm glad the last phone call made you feel better.  Sometimes we all have those negative self-thoughts that can throw us into a downward spiral.  Just ask me about it, because I'm going over that very thing in therapy.  I even have a special form--thought record--as part of a cognitive-behavioral exercise to teach myself new ways to think.  It's not uncommon to catastrophize things.  But it's always going to make you feel bad!  I'm glad it didn't take long for you to be back to yourself. ((hugs))
Donna

yram1208 said...

i LOOSE STUFF ALL THE  TIME - PREHAPS A.D.D IS IN PLAY HERE ?