The word of the day is: SICK.
not sicky. not sick-ish.
ess-eye-see-kay - sick!
I was so hoping this was just a really bad allergy attack. But it hasn't passed. I have a headache in my entire body. It hurts to lay down. It hurts to sit up. It hurts to walk. It hurts to look at light. It hurts to hurt.
However, it does not hurt too much to graciously receive coffee in bed from my attentive roomie. That's probably the last I'll see of her today. Now that she thinks it's not just allergies - and that it might be a bad cold - she asked that I not cough until she left my room. Fair enough.
I don't blame her. I'm miserable. I don't wish this on anyone. No, not even him!
I did have a beautiful weekend though. I did some soul searching and went deep into the pains of hell. Sounds pretty dramatic. Well, it was. I continue to learn more about life, truth and illusion.
Cousin M left a comment in J2P recently. It implies that I've been unavailable for relationship. I understand that's her experience. But it's based on who I was. Not who I am. I'm not the same person I was 25 or 30 years ago. I can hardly believe I'm old enough to use those numbers and still have some left over!
The fun we had when we were kids will never be replaced - nor forgotten. We were best friends. I remember all of our inside jokes. The variety shows we produced in her basement. The Family Mag we edited. The shadow people on the wall at bedtime. The intense laughter that only kids know. That kind where you turn bright red, with tears rolling down your cheeks, taking a huge inhale just before passing out from lack of oxygen. We shared many, many moments like that.
So I'm not willing to forget the past.
In cases where the past conjures negative feelings, I'm willing to remember with new eyes. I must be, or I wouldn't be here.
I'd love to know more of who Cousin M is today - beyond the obvious: A beautiful mother. A gifted teacher. A funny comedienne. We've all grown. We've all changed. This applies to all Counsin Ms out there. Meet me in the present. We can still laugh our asses off about the past.
As my good friend, Robbie, wrote:
We're all on the same journey. We're just taking different paths to get there. My path might be different than yours but it doesn't mean it is any better or worse than yours either.
Forgiveness for some may be a completely different process than my road to forgiveness. Accept that, or don't. There's always a choice.
Much love and peace.