Wednesday, September 28, 2005


Oh, that's right.  Gigi mentioned the Santa Ana winds in an email earlier.  That's exactly what's going on with me.  I'd forgotten about my allergies.  It's been two years since I've had a respiratory reaction to wind, dust and such.  In my previous apartment I was seemingly allergy-free.  [till I developed eczema.]

Hold on while I take a Claritin (I keep forgetting)...

There.  I prepared a kickin' vitamin C and echinacea drink while I was at it.

Moving on...

Where do I begin?  A long-term client informed me that Friday will be our last day working together.  Almost three years with them and I got only two days notice.  I was expecting October's payment today.  Instead, I got the axe.  Why?  She's "just not feeling it between us" lately.  I guess I could've seen this coming.  Her previous dogwalker was booted for pretty much the same reasons.

I could be upset, but I'm kinda not.

What I've gained from this:  she and I were perfect for each other for the first two years.  I had the ability to be more flexible with my time.  I was able to go over and above the call of duty more often.  She was a steady client and paid faithfully at the beginning of every month.  I had just come out of a long-term relationship.  I was starting over.  And our work together guaranteed my rent got paid every month.

For that, I'm grateful.

I guess it's time for a change.  So, what can I do with this?  I can now focus more on building a clientele on one side of town.  This will easily free up almost an hour in my day.  We'll see exactly how it plays out, as I get used to the new route.

I met a dog trainer at the park last week.  She has a client she would like to refer to me.  On this side of town even.  The Culver City dogpark is close to opening.  That will save a lot of time driving.  I could start hiking over here.  Or walking along the beach, with a group.  Who knows?  Training too?  Apprentice work with a trainer has been on my mind.

I don't know.  I could easily freak out about this loss.  It's quite a financial blow.  But that's the nature of self-employment.  It also rekindles that spark under my ass to put more things into action.  Newness is always scary at first.  But I thrive on it.  So let's hope I can stay calm and not panic about finances.  It's time to trust the process again.


Sicky - that's me.  Nursing my ailing body.  Minor flu maybe?  A cold perhaps?  Not sure.  Not fun.

Lots of body aches.  Severe headaches.  Chills. Sweats.  Restlessness.

That's the worst.  I want to sleep it off, but I'm so uncomfortable that I keep tossing and turning.

And whining.

Bed's too soft.  Pillows are flat and hard.  Neck is sore.  It's hot. It's cold.

I'm not a very patient patient.


Saturday, September 24, 2005

Fame : Season One

"You got big dreams? You want fame? Well, fame costs. And right here is where you start paying, with sweat."  - Lydia Grant, Fame - TV series

I can hardly believe it.  Robbie and I were just talking about this two days ago.  I'm so excited.  I'm totally freaking out - in a good, good way!

Fame: Season One is coming to DVD

Okay, maybe my ecstatic reaction officially qualifies me as a freak.  But this was my favorite show when I was a young teen.  I was (am) a huge fan of the movie and was thrilled when the series started.

The first season of Fame started when I had just started my Freshman year in high school.  Oh how I wanted to go to a school of the arts.  Unfortunately, there were no performance art programs in our schools at that time, thanks to budget cuts.

I lived my life vicariously through the characters in the series.  I identified most often with Doris and had a consistent crush on Danny Amatullo.  I wrote letters to both actors, and even received a personal letter from Valerie Landsburg (Doris).  Carlo Imperato's (Danny's) publicist sent me a black & white mass-produced autographed postcard -- placed prominently on my bulletin board for years to follow. 

I had all the records (yes, then they were vinyl albums) and sang one or two songs in talent shows.  I bought all the teen star magazines and cut out articles, pictures, news clippings and kept them in a well-decorated Fame Box under my bed.  Right next to my Rick Springfield Box.  I wonder what ever happened to those keepsakes.

Remember, things were different 20+ years ago.  I don't know when the VCR was invented, but I hadn't heard of one -- and we certainly didn't have one.  This was before cable even.  So if I missed a show, it was gone, forever.  I couldn't run out and buy the DVD six months after its release.

So when the first season box set comes in the mail, I'm thinking it'll be a whole different experience for me.  Or not.  Who cares?  It's coming.  And it's about time! Yay!

free web page counters

Friday, September 23, 2005

J2P Anniversary!

Trish-n-Hunny 2003

Today marks the beginning of the 3rd year for Journey to Peace.  It's a little surreal, looking back to this day in 2003.  Where I was.  What I was feeling.  The music I was listening to.  The things that consumed my heart.  Granted, the first few entries of this journal were mostly experimental.  I was playing with format, font, color.  AOL Journals had just been launched.  Everything was new.  I had no idea what was to come...

Friends - good friends. Rebuild of a thriving business.  The launch of my music website.  Listeners all over the world.  Successful tumor surgery.  Support. Fun. Drama. Pain. Tragedy. Love.

Hunny has become a household name for many J-Landers. 

Now, two years later, we are saturated with new journals, new energy, new life, every single day.  It's impossible to keep up.  I've been reading all I can.  And still, there's never enough time to read everyone.  I don't even know the half of it.

Two years ago we were a small group of friends-to-be, creating a community of support, love and fun.  It's not as if that was the plan.  It's just what happened, because of who we are.

Today, we are one huge community with sub-divisions of communities...the way any town, city, state, country grows.  So where I came from the first tiny borough in this new world, I've yet to experience many others that surround me.  It's time to broaden my horizons.

That's where you come in.  Who are you?  Introduce yourselves.  Leave your link.  I know you're there (I see the stats).  No pressure.  Well, maybe a little. 

Coming up:  More J-Land news, The Vivi Awards.  I'm going to need your help with nominees.  So put your thinking caps on.

Creative Zen Micro

Good thing I didn't join the gym.

At the beginning of the year, I was contemplating joining the gym versus buying a digital audio player.  Well, it's September and I haven't given the gym a single thought since that one week in January. 

It was such a fleeting moment that I can't seem to find my entry to reference.


This precious little baby arrived this afternoon.  I was smart enough to ask a neighbor to sign for UPS deliveries.  No matter how I try to time it, I'm never home when UPS comes.  It's like they have radar.  They don't come at the same times each day.  It's hit or miss over here.

Anyway, a couple of months ago, John Scalzi posted an entry about his new audio player.  I liked what he had to say about the Creative Zen Micro.  Since then, I did some more research.  Here's what I came up with.

My reasons for choosing the Creative Zen Micro

1.  The name - Let's face it, anything with ZEN in the title sounds attractive. Ommm

2.  Plays more than just mp3 files.  Most of my music is saved as wma (windows media audio) since I use, you guessed it, Windows Media Player.

3.  It has an FM tuner, so I can listen to my favorite new station, 93.1 Jack-FM.

4.  It has a digital recorder for notes, lectures, concerts, spying.  It will even record the FM station I'm listening to - you know, if I hear a great song on my favorite new station.

5.  It has a 5GB storage capacity (2,500 wma songs or 1,500 mp3).  I have less than 500 songs in my library.  I can use some of the memory as extra storage for things like photos and word documents.  [can't edit, read or see the files. just store. still, good for temporary backup.]

6.  It was on sale - and there's a $20 mail-in rebate - over and above the sale price. (hello!)

7.  It fits perfectly in my little hands.

Next up:  a bike to cruise the path and sing off-key all the way to the beach from here.  Might hold off till Spring but we never know.

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

Counting My Blessings

Isn't it true that when one finally washes a filthy car, it is bound to rain the next day?  Yes.  Even in LA.  No joke this time.  We got rain.  And thunder.  Lots of thunder.

Yesterday's rain really threw me off.  I was not prepared.  I haven't replaced old blankets and tarps for the dogs yet.  I don't know where I packed my umbrella (not that I use one when walking dogs).  I don't even know if I have a rain jacket. 


More importantly, I'm upset because my car looks like it's never been cleaned on the outside.  Streaks of drizzle and dust make zebra patterns all along the black exterior.  I don't even want to say how much I spent to have my car detailed.  But keep in mind that it's been over six months since the last detail - and I passed on an iPod Shuffle.

Still, we can't seem to totally eliminate the smell of dog from the cargo area.  Nice huh?  Great for trade-in value (not).  I have a feeling I'll be driving the peacemobile for the next five-plus years.  I'd rather get a new car when I don't have to haul dogs around anymore.

Not that I'm considering a career-change.  I just think I'll move on from this aspect of working with dogs at some point.  Or, maybe not.  Who knows?

What else would I do?  Dog training maybe.  Or some kind of work with people.  kids.  Whatever it is, I need to be my own boss, like I am now.  I mean, sure I report to dogs and their people now.  But I have the option to create a schedule that fits with my lifestyle.

I was thinking about that today.  My life totally rocks.  Don't get me wrong, there are many things to aspire to.  But the life I've created allows me to do the creative stuff I really want to do.  Dog walking gets me out of the house once a day.  And like most, I relish weekends when I don't have to be anywhere.  There are a few months in the year when I work all week long, non-stop.  But for the most part, I work M-F like most folks.  My hours are just varied.  Pretty cool.

I remember when I was younger, working in an office, fearing the life ahead of me.  I'm moody.  I have difficulty staying awake after three o'clock.  I get crampy once a month.  I used to get headaches and suffer from fatigue.  I just didn't think I'd be able to hold down a "regular job" for long.  I need afternoon naps - or, the option for one.  Or better, afternoon yoga (when I was doing yoga).

Like right now.  It's 6:00.  I used to work 9-6.  That's not including drive time.  I'm a night person.  So, as much as I would dream of going home and falling into bed right after work, I could hardly ever do it.  I would get my second wind by 8:00.  Still true today.  I nap for an hour if I need to and I'm usually awake by 7 or 8pm.  That's when my creative juices start flowing again.  I'm up till sometimes 1 or 2 am lately.  Usually it's midnight.

Anyway, geez, where am I going with this?  No matter.  I'm just counting my blessings.  I get frustrated with my work just like everyone else.  But for the most part, my work is less stressful than working for a corporation or even a small business.  My business is what I make of it.  There's no one to fall back on.  No one to blame.  No scapegoat.  No excuses.  And when it's doing well, I like to remember where I've come from -- in hopes to never take my life for granted.


var __pid=3100; Free Web Counter  Los Angeles screenwriting

Monday, September 19, 2005

MMM - cheesy pop song

Wanna hear what a song sounds like before all the mixing?  Here's a 60-second sample. 

Now, wanna hear what can be done with free recording/mixing software?

I STILL CARE - full song, ready for download. (note: may load faster outside of AOL.)

Q.  Hey Trish, what is that sound? 
A.  I call it the harmonaco.

Lyrics.  In case you wanna, you know, sing along.

I STILL CARE (trish monaco)

who's gonna love me when I'm down
who's gonna hold me when you're not around
who's gonna show me how to paint the town
who always told me I could talk about it

and though
it's not fair
you should know
I'm there
and I still care

who's gonna notice when I'm crying
who's gonna catch me when I'm lying
who will accept all my insecurities
who's gonna fill my curiosities

and though
it's not fair
you should know
I'm there
and I still care
I care

let's not forget the words we've spoken
when one door shuts another opens
but it just takes time

who's gonna shine me with the truth
who's gonna save me from my tainted youth
who will remind me of the butterflies
who will be honest and without disguise

and though
it's not fair
you should know
I'm there
and I still care
I care

©1999, 2005 Trish Monaco Music



var __pid=3100; Free Web Counter

Sunday, September 18, 2005

That was fast!

I don't know how he does it.  Warren has a full schedule.  He's at a screenwriting seminar all weekend.  His progress bar continues to rise on his current script.  He posts at least one entry in his blog every day (most days he posts 2-3).  Now he has the group script project I mentioned earlier.  And that's only the stuff he's public about.  He's got a full off-line, non-screenwriting-life too!  Hey Warren, if you're looking for some downtime, send some of that over-achiever-ness my way.

One thing he has inspired is the taste of a completed screenwriting task.  For that, I'm thankful.  My first attempt at a solo project - completely formatted in script form - is complete!  Honestly, it doesn't matter what the subject, or how bad my pages may be, or how long/short the project, the point is, I followed through and finished!  That alone is an amazing feeling.

Go here to read my installment of the group script project.

Go here to read the project in its entirety.  [note: it's bizarre. but a fun exercise.]

Saturday, September 17, 2005

Group Script Project

I guess the only way to learn how to do something is to try.

There's a group script project - sort of a script round-robin - happening over at Warren's place.  You know how it goes - someone writes a page or two.  It gets posted and passed to the next writer who writes another page or two and so forth.

I was gleefully cheering on veteran scribes while more and more were signing up.  It seemed like a  great way to get to know the writing style of these screenwriters.  I also thought, what a great opportunity to learn the process of an ongoing project.  As a witness, I was very excited.

When Warren posted the first installment, he listed a potential batting order.  I couldn't help but notice that my name was on the roster.  For about three days I thought for sure there was another Trish in his crowd.  Perhaps there is, but the Trish in his list was me.

Oh shit.

I panicked for like a moment.  Only because I'm so ... what's the word - clueless - about how to format a script and keep the story moving along and all that important stuff.

But after reading the first few installments, I got a little more excited than scared.  This could go anywhere.  There are no rules.  No boundaries.  Just write one or two pages in hopes of moving this wacky script along.  None of us writes the same.  And nobody really knows what's going on.  And I just had to get some fresh air.

So I mixed it up a bit.  Like a freshman cramping the style of graduating seniors.  Hell week is upon me.  I hope there's not too much hazing.  So far, everyone's been really cool.

Anyway, it's like Scriptwriting 101 for me over here.  Fun.

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

Preparing for Fall

I rearranged my room today.  Nothing really looks different.  Furniture is in the same place.  I disassembled the old computer that I wasn't using anyway and took it off my cluttered desk.  Then I moved my TV, VCR, DVD player and cable box (christ!) across the room.

Of course that means I had to rewire every. single. thing. -- including the internet modem and router.  In order to rewire, I had to move a 6-foot book shelf out of the corner...the lazy way of course.  No casualties - yet.  We'll see how my back feels tomorrow.

My desk is still cluttered - but it's cluttered with desired clutter.  Stuff I use daily (or weekly).  And now my TV is at the foot of my bed where I can (hopefully) hear it better.

I'm clearing out.  Making room for fall.  Whatever I don't use (or haven't used in the four months since moving), I'm letting it all go.  Old computer. Old TV. Stereo. Books. CDs. New notebooks and journals never touched.  All going.  Still, there's so much more.  It's exciting.

The weather is cooling off.  Beautiful days and cool nights.  I'm so ready to hibernate.  I love fall.  I didn't realize how much till today.  I feel it in my heart.  Like the pitta-patta of a returning love.  Or low blood sugar.

I watched Crash last night.  It's in-tense. Very good movie.  I missed a lot, trying to keep the volume at a reasonable low.  But the movie isn't lost on me.  I liked it so much I'm keeping it to watch again.  I may even buy it.  There are so many levels of prejudice.  I'd say it's a must-see for all.  There's so much to learn from each other.

I also worked on a drum loop for the next song - unless the next song becomes a different song.  I just never really know till I sit down with the guitar.

Hmm, what else?  Oh, I'm scheduled to get the peacemobile detailed this weekend.  I can't tell you how much I'm looking forward to a clean(ish) car.  This guy did a great job last time.  I just hope he can get that smell out.  What is that smell?  Dog.  Oh yeah, that.  I want to buy all new blankets (or get new used throws) for the back.  I try, but I can't always get that smell out.  I've thrown so many away this year.  I've also bought many.  Hey, it's overhead.  No biggie.

I had to buy a new Chuckit! today.  Mine is missing.  Personally I have good reason to believe it was stolen.  And I'm hellbent on finding out.  We joked today about starting rumors.  [wow, reliving it now makes me realize dog walkers really do have quite the life.] 

I had my Chuckit! for almost two years - possibly a record.  I hear missing Chuckit! tales from many a dogwalker.  They're constantly replacing theirs.  Some buy them in bulk.  They just disappear.  Almost like socks in a dryer.  Or pens.  Where do all those pens go?  I dropped one today.  I watched it fall.  But I didn't see it land.  It's gone.  Into the abyss.  Pen heaven?  When it's time, it's time, I guess.

And it's about that time for me.  I have a date with a hot shower, some veggie soup and a DVD.  'Nite all.

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Complete Randomosity

Had a long, hard doggy day.  I'm tired.  Not too hot though, thankfully.  Feeling better today.  Bitchy instead. 

Better than what?  I forgot to mention, I felt sick yesterday.  First time in a long while.  Fluish.  But I pumped my body with loads of super echinacea, tons of vitamin C, gallons of water, soup and some much-needed rest.

* * * * *

Yesterday LA (I mean the entire county of LA) had power outages starting around 12:30.  It was scary driving, as our traffic lights went from green-to-out-to-red-to-out again.  At one point, we all had the green.  Not cool.  I thought we might've had an earthquake.  The outage was totally random, and sporadic.  Still not sure about the whole thing.  Apparently it was a DWP worker who cut a main line or something.  There are a few conflicting reports.

Comforting isn't it?  ...that one line supplies power to the entire city?  Reminiscent of that scene in Airplane! when Johnny pulls a plug from a wall socket and the entire airport goes black.

Anyway, it really put my focus to the test.  Even though our apartment only lost power for like 40 seconds, our internet connection was tripped up for most of the afternoon.  I had no idea just how much I depend on my connection to the world through the web.  I wanted to research the source of the power trips.  I wanted to get caught up on current events in news and in the lives of bloggers.  It was habit to be on the computer and while writing, think to look something up in - only to get an error message.  Oh right, no connection.  Weird.

I was finally able to get a couple of solid hours of rest in the late afternoon.  By the time I woke up, service had been restored.

* * * * *

My hands are doing much better, by the way.  Less itchy.  Less dry and swollen.  It helped to be on a cleansing program.  Once I made the decision to go the natural route, my hands miraculously healed.  Almost overnight.

A week later, I celebrated with a glass of wine and chocolate cake.  The next morning, what do you think happened?  More redness and itching.

I stopped drinking wine and eating chocolate for another whole week.  My body's at the point now where any bit of wine or chocolate irritates my hands.  Bread too.  Anything that metabolizes as sugar.  Nice huh?

I'm fairly confident that if I cut out all alcohol, chocolate, bread and coffee, I'd have perfectly beautiful skin all over.  I'd have more energy and gusto for life.  And I'd be miserable in other respects. 

So, I've decided to cut out a lot of the excess and regard alcohol, chocolate and bread as special treats - rather than a major food group - or more accurately, the only food group.

When I'm on that healthier path, I tend to crave yogurt and fruit and veggies more often than heavy, processed sweets.  Time to fill the fridge again.  Yogurt and juices are running low.  I can't tell you how much it's killing me not to gorge on fresh-baked cinnamon rolls right now.

I have a couple of movies to watch.  I've been spending all my TV-time watching Law & Order: SVU.  Tonight I hope to watch Crash.  I've been waiting a month for its release.  Now it's here and I'm scuffing my heals, dragging myself to watch it.   It's a commitment. It takes so much time to watch a movie.  Time I could be writing or reading or playing or sleeping.  But no.  Crash tonight, the young apprentice will watch. (thanks Yoda)

Monday, September 12, 2005

Monaco Music Mondays

Hey, lookie here.  I set a goal and followed through.  How 'bout that!

As you know, I was pet sitting at Cheryl's all week.  I spent that time researching and preparing.  How?  I found a simple drum machine simulator online.  Well, simple to most musician-folk.  Not-so-simple for this musician-folk.  What took a week to compile, should've taken less than an hour.  No worries.  Just learning.

I found out I need to update some sound card thingy because when I record over tracks and play them back, they are off sync.  I have to manually line them up with the other tracks.  So, that took more time than necessary.

I'm also beginning to understand the need for a vocal compressor.  In time.

But hey, this is kinda fun.

You'll see I've added information for donations on my sidebar.  One reader and music supporter made the suggestion.  Since I'm offering up demos of my music for free download, he thought there should be an option to make a donation.  That way, those who want to donate something, can.  Brilliant.  Makes sense to me.  But don't feel obligated.  You are welcome to download my music for free.  Just remember to play it loud, and tell everyone where you got it. ;)

Okay, on with it...

This week's installment of Monaco Music Mondays comes to us circa 1998.  A song of angst and a cycle of unrequited lust.  Timing may be off, but do the feelings really go away?


THE MATTER [click to listen]

There once was a time I could rely on me
Without you living inside all my secret fantasies
I wonder what happened to harmless fornication
I'm not alone, am I alone in this situation
What do you suggest I do in this thunder and lightening storm
Is it my fault timing's off and now I'm ready to perform
You're the one who put the bug in my ear to begin with
You're too busy now, and there's no one left to sin with
Don't tell me
I don't wanna hear it
Save it
For when we get
Down to the heart of The Matter
Nothing you can hide
Down at the heart of The Matter
So what's The Matter
What gives you the right to dominate my nights
Standing naked at my doorstep as we passionately fight
I wake up drowning in a pool of my own sweat
With a pillow in my arms but I refuse to give up yet
Don't tell me
I don't wanna hear it
Save it
For when we get
Down to the heart of The Matter
Nothing you can hide
Down at the heart of The Matter
So what's The Matter
Don't tell me you can't feel it
You can't deny it anymore
I see it in your eyes, I saw it in your eyes
When you came crashing through my door, my door
Nothing you can hide
Down at the heart of The Matter
So what's The Matter
What's The Matter
Oh, what does it Matter

 ©1998, 2005 Trish Monaco Music


var __pid=3100; Free Web Counter

Wednesday, September 7, 2005


I'm pet sitting for my best friend, Cheryl.  It's been so long since I've been here that I'd forgotten how beautiful and serene it seems.  Not far from the beach.  Nice colorful yard.  A doggy/kitty door for the animals to come and go as they please.  Sun. Breeze. Wind chimes. Books. And now even high-speed internet access.


Only, it's not such easy breathing for me.  I love it here.  I love Opie (my God-doggie) and the three cats (Hunny's brother and two cousins).  Sadly, I'm allergic.  The moment I got here, my throat started to close, my head began hurting, my eyes were itchy and I was sneezing.

I ran to the drug store around the corner.  The only allergy medication that doesn't make me drowsy is Claritin.  In fact, it does just the opposite.  It amps me up quite a few notches.  I couldn't find a 12-hour dose - only 24-hour pills.  So the next few days should be very interesting.  Hey, maybe I'll get a few songs recorded over here huh? ;)

* * * * *

I've been reading helpful hints about the recording software I'm using.  As it goes online, one link leads to another and I eventually found myself on  There, unsigned artists like myself can create a page and upload original (legal) mp3s.  Anyone can listen.  Anyone can download free original music.  It's actually pretty cool.  Similar to what used to be.  I can only imagine there are other sites like this that I have yet to discover.

This site allows listeners to create their own stations and listen to their favorites where ever and whenever.

Of course, they want us all to upgrade to the enhanced version where we get priveleges and discounts on ad space on the site.  Like, I could buy a 24-hour advertisement and be their only "featured artist" on the home page.  From there I could "expect" to hit their Top20 list.

It's kind of a bummer because now I know the featured artists aren't "chosen" by listeners or fans.  They're just promo ads paid for by the artist.

Then again, if the product is good enough to hit, then it'll sell itself.

Oh, I don't know.  I'm great with PR and long as it's someone else's product.  Something about self-promotion - it's just not the same as someone else believing in my product as much as me. It's the difference between, "I wrote a really cool song." and "I heard a really cool song."  The latter seems more objective.

Whatever.  Here's the link to my music on  The same three songs that have been in rotation for all these years.  More to be added, I'm sure.

* * * * *

Moving along...  On impulse, I bought candies today.  Real candies.  Crappy candies.  All sugar.  I haven't had candy in years (aside from chocolate).  I'm talking gumdrop candies.  Like Candy Land candies.

I tore into them while driving the half-a-mile back to Cheryl's.  I ate two pieces and felt completely satisfied.  I had almost (almost!) forgotten all about them when I remembered the paper towels I bought.  They were in the same bag.

I brought the rest of the candies to the computer and sat down.  Big mistake.  Though they're not *all* gone, I'm sad to report I ate more than a fistful.  And I'm about to dive back in and eat the last red one.  It's just staring at me, like a lost lonely color.  Oh but I know how I will feel any minute now.

I should nap before the Claritin kicks in and I'm suffering with an upset stomach and insomnia.

* * * * *

Oh, one more thing.  Some of you will remember, but for those who don't know, I walk a German Shepherd named Lucy.  She was unsocialized when I met her over a year ago.  It's been my goal to socialize her enough to be around other dogs.  Today I brought Hunny into Lucy's yard for the first time (with Lucy on leash).  They both did wonderfully.  They've walked together - but Lucy had never shared her space with Hunny before today.  Another small miracle in doggy world!

Monday, September 5, 2005

Monaco Music Monday

Holding myself accountable.

I bought a 20-dollar microphone at Best Buy and spent the entire day playing with recording software.  [free downloads]

I'm hoping to record a new song every week and post it in here -- but given how my schedule (and lack of discipline) has been lately, I'll be lucky to get one done every month.

I figure, if I post it, I'm responsible for following through.

It should load automatically when you open my journal.  Depending on the speed of your connection, it could load anytime between now and never.  If you want to move the process along, try this:  click here to listen to I'm With You

If you're avoiding my journal because of the auto-playing music, just click esc on your keyboard and silence you shall hear.

Otherwise, feel free to sing along.

I'm With You - lyrics and music by Trish Monaco (2004)

there comes a time when I get tired
nothing in this world seems to ease my troubled mind
crawling walking running so far
I can't see the past behind me
turn around in one split moment
I believe

I'm with you
I'm with you

I look around and I think
oh my god, don't you know, don't you know, can't you see
nothing more you need to be
nothing less to set you free
beauty's in the deep
(one) step closer turn around
you're right in front of me

I'm with you
I'm with you

now and then I wish my tears away
holding back the pain of yesterday
I remember

I'm with you
I'm with you

copyright: trish monaco. all rights reserved.

Sunday, September 4, 2005

Answers - part 3

More Answers!

Kris from The Daily Purge asks:

1.  What's your biggest accomplishment?  Why'd you choose that particular thing?

My biggest accomplishment changes as I live.  A few big ones:
- Graduating college
- Moving cross country on my own
- Forgiving myself and others for past mistakes.
- Writing, playing and singing my own music.
- Healing on a daily basis.
- Starting my own business.
- Being a mom to Hunny.

2.   What's your biggest regret (if you have any)?

My only regret (that I'm currently working on clearing) is not learning how to take proper care of finances.  I'm learning.

3.  If you could pick one thing you'd like to do over, or re-live or re-visit, what would it be?  A certain time in your life?  Something you could have handled better?

Great question.  I would love to revisit my childhood with the voice I have today.  I'd also like to revisit every argument I've ever had and be more objective without lashing in fear.  I'm quick to react  Wish I weren't.

Gigi, resident toon from Lotus Martinis asks:

1.  You are given first class, all expense paid tickets on boat, plane or rickshaw to anywhere in the world you want to go.  You can make only four destination stops.  Where are you going?

Exotic Mexico

2.  You may take one person with you ~ anyone in the world.  Even if you don't know them. They will be sedated and forced to go with you, if need be.  This is not a democracy.  Who, if anyone, do you take?

Jason Mraz  (omg, totally exciting!)

3.  Your fairy godmother grants you one of three options ~

a) you will finish and sell your screenplay to Miramax, where it is made into a hit movie starring Angelina Jolie and Will Ferrell.
b) you are signed with a major record label who will give you absolute freedom to write and record your own music and support the first release. 

c) You may compete, and possibly win, on Survivor 7 ~ Guantanamo Bay.  (OK, not really ~ Canary Islands. )

Which do you choose?

Let's see, well, the chances of me actually finishing a screenplay are very slim.  Plus I'd much rather BE IN a movie for Miramax so A is out.

As exciting as C sounds, I would totally suck at Survivor.  I can't swim under water without holding my nose.  I get weak in the SoCal heat.  And like I mentioned in Kris's answers, I'm quick to react.  I'd piss a lot of people off.

So that leaves B.  Even though that choice is one big oxymoron, I'd still choose the opportunity for a major label to give me total creative freedom while they fully support my first release.  That would rock ass!!

*Extra Credit* ~

Do these jeans make me look fat?

NO!  Never. You look stunning in those jeans.

Good luck.  Use a number 2 pencil and please show all work.   :)

My number 2 pencil broke but here's a shiny red apple...martini. :D


Alphawoman-Mary asks:

1.  Everyone has something in their past that they wish they could change.  You have one chance to go back and alter just one thing.....what would you do? Or would you go back?

Ahh, this question is a bit different from the way I chose to answer Kris'.  If I could ALTER one thing, my entire life would be completely different today.  So if I could do it to see where I might've ended up and then return to today as I know it, I would go back to my first love and break up with him.  He was too afraid to break up so he started a new relationship in the last six months of ours.  I was crushed.  I knew we should've broken up long before.  It was ultimately the event in my life that led me to finally move to I have no regrets.  But damn, I was hurt.

2.  Zoom ahead 15 years and describe yourself, who you are, what you are doing? Are you  happy and satisfied. Or still searching?

This is good for me.  I don't look to next year, never mind ten or fifteen years into the future.  I think (hope) Iwill always be searching.  That's what keeps me alive.  Fifteen years from now - The year 2020.  I will be 52 years old.  Hey, that's pretty cool.  I'll still be young, even then.  Okay, where will I be? 

I will be debt free with an outstanding credit report.  I will live in a modest house with a yard and garden by the beach.  Somewhere in SoCal.  Or Hawaii.  Or Australia.  I will have at least one successful album.  My husband, Jason Mraz, and I will travel often and laugh a lot.

3.  Your screenplay has been nominated for an Oscar!!!! Who will you take and what designer will you wear?

Oscar-worthy screenplay - oooh, that is exciting!  I will take Jason Mraz and my friends will decide on my attire.  If it were up to me, I'd go in cargos and a t-shirt.  If I win, I will nervously trip to the stage, because most likely I won't be wearing my trusty Pumas.  There I will cry through my acceptance speech and forget to thank all the important people and never be asked to work in Hollywood again.

3.1 Oh dang!! I just read some of the others and mine are kinda similar. Yikes! so, I'll think up one more to replace one.  Hmmmmmmmm............describe the perfect person for you, in other words describe THE ONE.

THE ONE for me has a strong creative drive.  Laughs a lot.  Cries just as much.  Unafraid of emotions.  Willing to go deep when necessary and able to keep it light when appropriate.  A strong sense of self.  Open minded and hearted.  Lives with purpose.  Speaks truth.  Expresses compassion but has a strong sense of boundaries.  Knows how to be assertive without being aggressive.  Respects women, men, children and all creatures of the earth - including self.  Loves love.  Plays and has fun.

Saturday, September 3, 2005

Message to Survivors

Weekend Assignment #75

love shout!

I slept last night.

I feel pretty good today.

Hope to get to more questions/answers this weekend.  Maybe even Scalzi's weekend assignment.

How's everyone?  Hanging in?

Much love.

Friday, September 2, 2005


in·som·ni·a (ĭn-sŏm'nē-ə) n. -- Chronic inability to fall asleep or remain asleep for an adequate length of time.  Chronic sleeplessness.


Things to do while suffering from insomnia:

- Read new blogs from around your neighborhood.
- Consider auditioning for a play at a local theater.
- Nix it when you read that you must take their expensive classes to qualify.
- Consider seeing a play at a local theater.
- Read way too much news of disaster.
- Organize your bloglines list.
- Window-shop on Amazon and
- Balance your check book.
- Pay bills.
- Play guitar and record a song.
- Take your dog for three walks.
- Cancel work for fear that you will fall over mid-day from lack of sleep.
- Wonder what it was you were doing mid-day, now that it's evening again.
- Practice yoga on your bedroom floor.
- Clean the kitchen and bring in the water that was delivered.
- Eat soup and crackers at 4 AM.
- Eat breakfast for supper.
- Organize and clean off your desk.
- Organize files on your computer.
- Read really bad fan fiction.
- Change the color and layout of your online journal at least ten times.
- Change it back at least twice.
- Update your sidebars.
- Surf the net for whatever!
- Read Spanish at a Glance.
- Count the hours that pass without so much as a blink.

33 hours and counting.

I never really experienced true insomnia before today.  Granted, I haven't had a restful night's sleep in months, but I do sleep.  I wake up throughout the night.  But this is way different.  I've been awake since yesterday morning.  I didn't even try to go to sleep last night.  I was buzzing with energy.  Wide awake.  Like the total opposite of fatigue.  I was fully awake and alert.  I keep thinking I'm starting to fade.  I last tried to sleep 45 minutes ago.  And bing! bug-eyed, staring at the ceiling.

I want a burrito.

Hurricane Katrina

Photo: Carolyn Cole / LA Times - September 1, 2005

I feel helpless.  I know I'm not alone.  This is beyond a national crisis.  It's a worldwide crisis.  It affects everyone - not just those directly involved. 

There are so many links referencing Hurricane Katrina - blogs, journals, websites, donation sites, news sites.  By now we are all aware of the devastation, the horror, the uninhabitable conditions and the overwhelming need for assistance.

My heart breaks.

Still, much of what I've been reading and hearing are arguments about left and right.  Things like, "Don't blame me. I voted for Kerry."  So did I, but that doesn't make me exempt from this crisis. 

The most insensitive comments I've heard so far were from Jason Pullman, a local radio DJ.  He said (paraphrased), Let's face it, that section of the country needed to be cleaned up anyway.  Then, referring to the caller who was distraught about the devastation, Pullman showed more of his own ass by implying, some people are too sensitive.  It must be that time of the month for her.

I was stunned and enraged.  I considered calling the station to ask for a public apology on so many accounts.  Then I realized my energy could be better spent. 

Everyone deals with tragedy differently.  Terror and shock will make us say and do things we might not usually say or do.  Having survived a major earthquake, I can attest to that.  Still, there's no way of really knowing how the citizens of New Orleans and Mississippi feel.

I (we) need to be their strength, their hope, their salvation.

united we stand.

divided we fall.

Feel helpless no more.  Pitch in.  Make a contribution to the relief fund.  Most places are accepting cash/credit donations only (much needed).  Others will accept goods like clothing and water.  As mentioned in many other places, be aware of scam donation sites

Make sure your donation is actually going to be received by those in need.

Check your favorite charity.  Or use Charity Navigator's list of highly-rated charities assisting in the relief effort

Photo: Carolyn Cole / LA Times - September 1, 2005

Click images for more from LA Times Photo Galleries.