Wednesday, July 27, 2005

I.D. Please

My brother Al did this funny impression of a 90-year-old woman when we were kids.  It still makes me laugh today.  He was so cute, all hunched over, with a walking cane, a shaky voice and one hand to his ear, "What's that? Eh? Speak up sonny, I can't hear ya."

That's what came to mind at Trader Joe's today.  I went there to get a few things (oh damn, forgot butter).  You know, wine, cheese, chocolate.  Okay, a salad and hummus too.  Anyway, at the checkout, the cashier asked if I had I.D. 

For a split second, I thought it was because I was paying with a credit card.  But he stopped scanning my items, waiting for something...

ME:  "eye-dee?  Like my driver's license?"

HIM: "Yeah."

ME:  "For what?"

He raised his bushy eyebrows and held up a bottle of wine, like I was trying to pull a fast one on him. 

ME:  "For that?!" 

HIM: "Yes." 

ME:  "Are you kidding?" 

He wasn't. 

ME:  "I don't have it.  I left it in the car."

HIM: "Do you wanna run out and get it real quick?"  He was dead serious.

ME:  "No, I'd like to take you over my knee and smack your puny little ass."

Okay, I'm kidding.  I didn't really say that. 

Before anyone asks, no, I was not flattered.  I felt put out.  And when he noticed how I felt, that's when he made me get my I.D. - the little punk.  Like he's got no authority anywhere else in his life so he's gotta reach for it and be all, oooh, look at me, I have the power to withhold alcohol from you.

I know I look younger than I really am, but younger than twenty-one?!  Come on.  That's really stretching it.  Especially up close, with no makeup on, in the bright sunlight.  And believe me, I look a lot older when I'm pissed off.

Wrinkles wrinkles bo-binkles, banana fanna fo-finkles meeemyyymoe minkles - wrinkles!  [sorry, too much Mraz on the brain]

It's been over ten years since I last got carded.  I expect it at the door of a nightclub but at Trader Joe's?  Never.  Not once.  OK once.  But that's because he was young and cute and hitting on me.  Then Ifelt flattered.  Today, not so much!  Not young, not cute, and definitely not hitting on me.

Next time I'm brining my cane.


geminiwilder said...

bringing in your cane to smack him with, huh??  go easy now, granny!!   :)  ~Phin<~~~who was tickled to be carded @ age 40!!

kristeenaelise said...

Damn girl I LOVE getting carded.  It makes my freakin day.  Especially when I'm buying Louie cigarettes.  That there's any question in their mind that I might be under age is pure bliss.  Makes me do the little happy dance, and I always thank them.  Simple minds, simple pleasures, right?

Given, I'm usually carrying my purse so I don't have to run out to the car...THAT I can understand getting snarfy about.

Hee!  You got carded!  LOL

=) kris

andreakingme said...


babyshark28 said...

I look younger than I am as well, but I really can't remember EVER being asked for ID.   I know I must be forgetting....
anyway, great entry.  had me smiling, I was visualizing the whole thing in my head. ha!
did you walk REAL slow to your car?

st0rmwhispers said... 43 I love it when I get carded (and yes on a good day with a touch a make up I still get carded)....I would have tipped the whipper snapper and given him a hug!

coy1234787 said...

Trader Joe's??? Was it a bottle of 2 Buck Chuck???
OK ... I got carded buying a bottle of Champaign
from the grocery store on Valentine's Day this year.
Ummm ... I'm 43, OK!
                         *** Coy ***

judithheartsong said...

aahahahahahahaha! Sorry, that was not at all funny and that little whipper snapper should be flogged.... errrrr....... caned. Thanks for sharing:):):) judi

onestrangecat said...

You will hate me.  I used to be a cashier and had to card everyone.  One guy was a cop but he only looked 16 (and yeah he "copped" an attitude wanted to know if I wanted to see his drivers licence or his police ID.  jerk).  My very first day on the job I had these 2 guys trying to buy beer.  Looked plenty old enough but with no ID I wouldn't sell.  Lucky for me I didn't sell.  About 2 or so more customers later was some guys with badges asking questions about the 2 guys.  Sure enough one was under age.  If I had sold to him I would have been arrested and the store would have been in trouble.  And trust me the stores don't like it when they can't sell beer/wine for weeks or months.  


cousinoftrish said...

Remeber Al's famous "hey old lady whachadoin?"  He made us laugh alot!!

txsguinan said...

Oh, for heaven's sake.  You look about 24, and it IS a compliment!

The last time I was carded was June 19, 2001 ~ I believe it was 3:45 pm ~ at a Vons supermarket buying wine (wearing sunglasses).  I was so startled I had the clerk repeat it 3 times before presenting my license with a gleeful flourish.  The guy next to me, who clearly had a better view, was just as shocked as I was.  "You just made her day," he remarked dryly.

I still bring it up at dinner parties.  I'm thinking of starting to pay people to card me in front of friends.  :)