Sunday, April 10, 2005


Forgive me if I repeat myself in here.  I haven't been posting consistently, but my mind has.  So I can't remember what I've actually shared and what I think I've shared.  Such is a busy, fulfilling life.  No complaints.  Well, maybe a few.

BODY, MIND & SPIRIT -- Allergies.  It's been excessively windy here this week.  Dust is kicking up everywhere, especially near the beach.  This affects so many of us.  And my poor nose and head are dry and sore.  Makes me sick, weak, tired and angry.  I'm mostly angry about being sick, weak and tired. 

I've gained a little weight.  I guess in actuality, I've just "evened out".  I was sick last year, dropping inches and pounds every day.  I got so skinny (scrawny) that I had to buy new clothes that fit.  Of course now those clothes don't fit as well today.  Well, I could fit in them.  I just shouldn't.  It's just wrong.

So, I made a pit stop at my favorite discount shopping mecca, Ross--Dress for Less.  I ran in, grabbed t-shirts from the juniors racks.  I'm always in need of dogwalking clothes.  Then I hit the jeans and pants aisles.  I haven't had as much luck with pants there.  But I rummaged and found an arm full of potentials.

On my way to the dressing rooms, something caught my eye, and my heart.  It was calling me, like a long lost friend.  A vaguely familiar voice from the past.  I couldn't pass by without connecting.  I tried to walk away.  My arms were overloaded already.  I gently released it off the rack.  The only one.  My supposed size.  What the hell, I thought.  Give it a try.

I didn't try on any of the t-shirts.  Out of 5, only 1 needs to be returned.  Luckily I tried the pants.  All were a close call.  But nothing exactly right.  I bought two pair anyway.  They'll probably get returned.

The only thing that fit perfectly was that long lost item - as if it were the missing link to my world.  Holy crap.  Am I really gonna do this?  What would I wear with it?  Who cares?  It's cute.  It fits.  So what if it's a  :::gasp:::  SKIRT!  I'll be the best dressed dogwalker at the park. [ha. kidding.]  It'll look adorable with sneakers and a t-shirt.  It better!  That's all I've got. [ha. not kidding.]

On the way out, I happened by the girly/womanly tops.  I was like a kid in a candy shop.  All were so cute.  Sexy even.  Lace. Ribbon. Silky. Flowy.  I bought five different styles.  Only one fit.  But the others were so close, I'm going back to exchange them for my size.  Whatever that is!  None were the same size.  One small was too small.  A medium was too big.  Another small was too big.  How are we supposed to know which small is too small and which small is too big? 

All last year I was feeling cute with my bony body. (except for when it was "scary bony")  Today, trying these clothes on made me feel womanly.  Finally.  I see what the weight does.  It fills those places that were emaciated.  I'm curvy.  I have boobs.  All I have to do is wear things that accentuate the goods, instead of trying to fit into the regulars.

So what if my pants have gone back up a size?  Five, six, seven.  Who knows?  Maybe even eight or nine.  Who cares?  I'm ripping the tags out anyway!

The only place I wish wouldn't gain weight first is my face.  But whatever.  I'm lucky in that I don't know what it's like to gain weight in my ass.  But I can always count on my Buddha Belly.  Ommmm...

DENTIST UPDATE -- So that dentist I've been seeing.  Honestly, it's a damn good thing I've done my spiritual work around my terror of dentists because this woman would've sent me straight to the psych ward for all the careless, heartless, unnecessary pain she's put me through.  I wasn't able to change dentist's offices because of the insurance (long boring story).  So I was planning on sticking with her till every last bit of work (covered by insurance) was done.  Still, the co-pay has come out to over $1000.

Anyway, remember the first time, she hurt me and kept drilling?  "Ten more seconds."  (Grrr)  The next time she thankfully loaded me with novocaine.  Still, because I couldn't move my tongue away from my mouth (hello!) she cut my tongue with the drill.  Then she bumped my front teeth with the back end of the drill in a quick movement. (slow down dammit!)

The topper of all careless, rush jobs was when she drilled and filled two cavities with mercury.  (yes! they still use that stuff.)  The pain in my jaw, from keeping my mouth open for long periods of time was much worse than any of the drilling and filling.  I was leaving when the assistant told me to wait a minute.  The dentist came back and said, "Whoops, I made a big mistake."  She had to redrill and refill both cavities with white fillings.

I was furious, but she had the drill.  And I just wanted the silver out of my mouth.  And like I said, insurance kept me there.

Later that night and the next morning, my teeth, gums and nerves were shooting with pain.  More than I was used to after getting fillings.  I was already taking a heavy duty pain killer.   So I went in to have them check it.  My dentist wasn't working that day.  But the other dentist was -- my NEW dentist.  The Angel of Mercy.  The mother of all scared little adult children.  She took her time, explained everything, listened to my concerns, looked me in the eyes, smiled.  That's all it took.

I'd like to switch dentists please. 

Why, you like her better? 

YUP!   :::::big, bright, white smile:::::

So, now that we're almost finished with the recommended work, I get to leave this whole dental experience with that continuing smile.  When my insurance runs out at the end of this month, I feel confident enough to go back to her for whatever else.

Since they cleaned my teeth, filled some cavities, and crowned some others, I've been serious about taking care of these beauties.  I floss every night.  I figure, this is a lifetime investment.  I never really thought of it this way.  But I feel so good when I brush, floss and swish a mouth full of warm salt water.  Ahhhh.

Every six months you guys!  I'm telling you.  It's worth it.  It makes me wanna smile even more.  Yeah, my teeth are crooked, but they're mine.  They're real.  They're fairly white.  And damn, they're strong.  Thank you teeth.  Thanks for not giving out on me.

This is a huge accomplishment.  The dentist was one of my biggest fears all my life.  Right up there with surgery.  Major strides!  Woohoo!

FACE, HAIR & MAKEUP -- I finally bought the supplies I need to keep up with my skin care.  And now that I'm wearing makeup (minerals, but still, it's makeup) I need to be extra conscious of facial care.  I'm still on the hunt for a great facial sunscreen.  One that's oil free.  One that won't clog my sensitive skin's pores.  One I can wear all day, walking dogs.  And one that will block the sun from my face.

I wear hats and I'm buying more.  I'm really understanding the importance of protecting my skin.  Especially my face.  I want to receive necessary vitamins from the sun naturally.  But I do not want a natural sun tan this season.  It's only just the beginning.  I hope to remember this in a month or two or three, when the sun is hottest.

I have an appointment with my hair artiste a week from Tuesday.  I haven't done anything too drastic with my hair in a year.  Last year she gave me a new style that has recently grown right back to same-old-same-old.  Not that I mind.  It's an easy, low maintenance style.  I need that.  If I have to spend more time in addition to washing and conditioning, I won't do it on a daily basis.  But I want a style that's versatile.  You know, for those rare occasions that I will spend time primping.

I'll keep you posted.  My style is in her hands.  She's the genius.  I just show up.  Do you have any idea what a blessing that is?

WORK -- busy busy busy.  I'm at the point where I need to get set up with (and fully understand) this Quicken program I bought, or I could lose potential business.  The busy season is hitting.  I'm getting calls and missing others.  It doesn't help that I was sick some of this week.  But it's all working out the way it needs to.

Gizmo is coming along beautifully.  Healing, listening, learning.  She's starting to calm down around other dogs and people.  We still have a long way to go.  But we've come far in a short time.  I adore her.  [ach. my heart.] 

A huge thanks to my friend Danielle who referred me to Gizmo.  And a special thanks to her friend Dawn (You Lucky Dog) for donating more than enough chew toys, bones and treats to keep Gizzy bizzy!  True animal lovers, by heart. Really, thanks lovelies!

I'm constantly learning.  My work is challenging enough to teach me more about myself than I ever thought.  Patience, strength, communication, abilities, disabilities.  It's humbling.  There's so much room to grow and so much more to learn.  Very exciting.

HOME -- Ah yes, my living situation.  Lots of changes in the air.  Processing, researching, budgeting, weighing every option.  It's all good.  More about that after I get my taxes done this week.


viviansullinwank said...

{{{{{ Freee }}}}}

Long time no blog with! Seems you've got lots going on. I was just visiting Andrea's blog and learned about your move. I hope all of the research is paying off. I spent countless hours researching in February when I was looking for a home. That research combined with my top notch realtor-former-co-worker-friend really payed off. Now I just have to get through the packing this place up, transporting it all over to the new place and then unpacking. UGH!


phlskygirl said...

   Sick... tired... weight gain... shitty dentists... taxes... lifechanges... shopping for skirts...
   SKIRTS??  Talk about life changes later!  After you post some skirt pics!

sieblonde said...

Wow...  you were amazingly brave to continue with the Dentist de Sade.   Isn't it such a relief when all the work is done?!  Sounds like you're getting many parts of your life organized...wanna come to GA and do mine?  lol

geminiwilder said...

Wow!  Busy Freee!  
Just popped by to say "Hi!"
:D   xo Phinney

andreakingme said...

These kind of journal entries are my favorite kind to read because, well, I'm a reader! What you shared here is thorough and well-written and really gives us a glimpse into who Freeepeace is. It's all good! Really.

Now why didn't you post that photo, little girl?

cw2smom said...

Trish, Hope you are feeling better soon!  Long time reader, but never visited your website until today.  Went to sign the guest book and noticed someone entered some porno link as an entry and thought I'd let you know!  Lisa

txsguinan said...

Busy busy busy!  Oooo....fresh make-up, new hair, a big bright smile and some lovely new girlie, curlie curves ~ and now...a SKIRT too (!) ?  I'm positively weepy (although I'm sorry about the allergies).  Can't wait to see a picture...  :)

kristeenaelise said...

Yep yep...where's the skirt pic?!?!  Its windy and dusty here too, and I'm already sick of it.  Breathing is nice, and its hard for us wheezers when it gets like this.

Congrats to you for everything coming together, and I'm with Andrayah, I enjoy it when you do entries like this.  

=) kris

judithheartsong said...

yeee haaa you have a lot going on!!!! And we want to see this skirt!!! judi

bridgetteleigh75 said...

Life sounds busy and fulfilling.  Like you, I truly need to start taking better care of my skin.  Since I've moved to the West skin is dry, dry, dry.  It's driving me insane.  If you have any products to recommend, I'd be happy to listen!


mikethedawg said...

You B*tch, you never gain weight in your ass...that's sooooo not fair. And I don't think you have a chubby face or a buddha belly [it's a six pack]. I think you're skin, your teeth, and your hair is all beautiful!
Good for you and all your self care...truly amazing stuff going on with you! I'm so proud of you!!!

onestrangecat said...

sounds like you are making changes in all areas of your life.  good for you.
glad you finally found a dentist you like.


sistercdr said...

Love the skirt, love the attitude and feeling you have here.  Go, freee!