Has Anyone Seen My Holiday Spirit?
I thought I left it here somewhere. I can't seem to find it. Though, I admit, I haven't been looking very hard. This season has been quite interesting, to say the least. And since I'm not one of little words, I'll elaborate.
I (usually) love the holiday season. The feeling in the air ends the year with a sense of accomplishment through heartfelt expressions and brings in the new year with a feeling of hope and encouragement. Aside from severe pain right now and a little loopy numbness last weekend, I haven't felt much of anything -- certainly nothing along the lines of Holiday Spirit. I'd say this makes me sad but since we've just established how I'm feeling, sad doesn't qualify. Besides, pain trumps all emotions.
Maybe this is my holiday cheer this year.
I did buy a wreath last week because I wanted the smell of real pine. It's still sitting on the floor, leaning against a shelf, facing me so I can enjoy all its nakedness. Pine smell? What pine smell? Along with feelings, I also smell nothing. Maybe I'm just sensory-deprived this season.
I volunteered my time last night to help a friend with her company's benefit at a Salvation Army housing community last night. There were many families and kids of all ages. I helped her with the cookie decorating table. And of course took lots of pictures for her. There was face painting like I've never seen before. Spray-water-based-colored-makeup. Took the woman less than a minute to paint each face or arm or hand. Not just that -- she had sparkles too. There was a craft table as well. Food, snacks, live piano music and a gift for each child in the community -- wrapped, with their name on it. Some kids opened their gifts. Some parents kept them for Christmas morning, as it may be the only gift they get.
Sure, I felt the spirit while I was there. Or, I felt something. Maybe it was a combination codeine-sugar high. We had to do something with all the broken cookies.
I haven't been amongst the crowds of shoppers yet either. That usually helps with my cheer. I know that sounds a little crazy, but I do love to be around all that. I don't like to rush-shop so when I go, I can't be on a time schedule. I actually have not bought, made or ordered one single gift this year. With all the extra (doctor/vet) expenses, and unexpected time out of work, I just couldn't be sure of my holiday spending budget.
Um. So. Consider this your Christmas Card. ;)
This pathetic pain-faced smile is the best I could do. That was Friday night. Yesterday was worse. Tomorrow has got to be better. Otherwise, I'll be back in the hospital, having my lungs checked. If this is a pain-killer detox after only one week of using, I want nothing to do with an addiction. It's easy to see how they can become addicting. I want one now just to stop the insanity. I'm resisting. That's right folks, I'm quitting cold turkey! It's been over 24 hours. So far, I'm still alive. I still have some pain meds in my prescription, but I'm taking Tylenol and/or Advil instead. Narcotics are harsh. Detoxing is harsh. Surgery recovery is harsh. No Christmas Cheer is harsh. Ow.