Sunday, December 19, 2004

Where-oh-Where is my Christmas Cheer?

Has Anyone Seen My Holiday Spirit?

I thought I left it here somewhere.  I can't seem to find it.  Though, I admit, I haven't been looking very hard.  This season has been quite interesting, to say the least.  And since I'm not one of little words, I'll elaborate.

I (usually) love the holiday season.  The feeling in the air ends the year with a sense of accomplishment through heartfelt expressions and brings in the new year with a feeling of hope and encouragement.  Aside from severe pain right now and a little loopy numbness last weekend, I haven't felt much of anything -- certainly nothing along the lines of Holiday Spirit.  I'd say this makes me sad but since we've just established how I'm feeling, sad doesn't qualify.  Besides, pain trumps all emotions.

Maybe this is my holiday cheer this year.

I did buy a wreath last week because I wanted the smell of real pine.  It's still sitting on the floor, leaning against a shelf, facing me so I can enjoy all its nakedness.  Pine smell?  What pine smell?  Along with feelings, I also smell nothing.  Maybe I'm just sensory-deprived this season. 

I volunteered my time last night to help a friend with her company's benefit at a Salvation Army housing community last night.  There were many families and kids of all ages.  I helped her with the cookie decorating table.  And of course took lots of pictures for her.  There was face painting like I've never seen before.  Spray-water-based-colored-makeup.  Took the woman less than a minute to paint each face or arm or hand.  Not just that -- she had sparkles too.  There was a craft table as well.  Food, snacks, live piano music and a gift for each child in the community -- wrapped, with their name on it.  Some kids opened their gifts.  Some parents kept them for Christmas morning, as it may be the only gift they get.

Sure, I felt the spirit while I was there.  Or, I felt something.  Maybe it was a combination codeine-sugar high.  We had to do something with all the broken cookies.

I haven't been amongst the crowds of shoppers yet either.  That usually helps with my cheer.  I know that sounds a little crazy, but I do love to be around all that.  I don't like to rush-shop so when I go, I can't be on a time schedule.  I actually have not bought, made or ordered one single gift this year.  With all the extra (doctor/vet) expenses, and unexpected time out of work, I just couldn't be sure of my holiday spending budget.

Um.  So.  Consider this your Christmas Card. ;)

This pathetic pain-faced smile is the best I could do.  That was Friday night.  Yesterday was worse.  Tomorrow has got to be better.  Otherwise, I'll be back in the hospital, having my lungs checked.  If this is a pain-killer detox after only one week of using, I want nothing to do with an addiction.  It's easy to see how they can become addicting.  I want one now just to stop the insanity.  I'm resisting.  That's right folks, I'm quitting cold turkey!  It's been over 24 hours.  So far, I'm still alive.  I still have some pain meds in my prescription, but I'm taking Tylenol and/or Advil instead.  Narcotics are harsh.  Detoxing is harsh.  Surgery recovery is harsh.  No Christmas Cheer is harsh.  Ow.

21 comments:

rgossett4195 said...

Drugs are like that, aren't they?.  I had to have some pain meds after surgery and they can really be both your friend and your foe.  You are smart to get off of them...I used to take them when I didn't even need them and I know better...because I am an addict.  Don't want to go back to the old bottle that's for sure.
It's hard to get in the spirit when you are in pain and recovering...it's like your body is trying to concentrate on healing itself and that's all it can do...Sharing your spirit with the smallest of us is a start...but give yourself a break ... sometimes WE need to be the less fortunate...I know, we have very little money this year and my hubby is freaking out about it...but it's not about the stuff I am finding, it's the people.  You can know it all day long in your head, but actually experiencing life can be a real challenge.  Give yourself a break dear, and rest and take it a day at a time..you'll be back to your old self soon enough...Roseg
http://journals.aol.com/rgossett4195/Everythingisgoingtobeallright/

yakima127 said...

Was your Christmas Spirit accidentally removed in surgery?  Hope Not!  Maybe just delayed...Cute picture!  And thanks for helping out those families...very cool of you!  JAE

krobbie67 said...

That picture is absolutely ADORABLE!!! It would make a great Christmas card pic. But, I'll be grateful for this much and leave it at that. :-) ---Robbie

ryanagi said...

Well...you may be feeling like crap, but you look GREAT. :-) Merry Christmas to you too. Hope you find a "cheer" reserve somewhere soon.

viviansullinwank said...

{{{{{Freee}}}}},

The picture is FANTASTIC even if the smile was halted a bit by the pain. I hope it gets better soon. It shows how good a friend you are that you helped your friend even though you've not been feeling well. That in itself is the spirit of friendship and the holiday spirit all rolled into one! My holiday wish for you is that you dont' end up back in the hospital and that your detox is over in a flash!

YOU ROCK  {{{{{FREEE}}}}}

Vivian

onestrangecat said...

i have no christmas spirit this year either.
love the face art
so sorry your still in pain.

kathy
http://journals.aol.com/onestrangecat/OneSummersDay/

readmereadyou said...

I think you should read my latest entry. I'm pimping but it may help. : )
Angela

trinainmobile said...

I don't think what you're going through is anything to worry about.  Unless you were excessively abusing the pain meds, then maybe you're having some withdrawel reaction, but after a week...I don't think so.  Hate hearing of people being in pain...been there, done that.  Wow, can I relate!  You aren't alone with not feeling in the Christmas mood, I'm not either.  I'm trying...grrrrr, it isn't workin'.

Get well soon, Trina
http://journals.aol.com/trinainmobile/Reflections

aims814 said...

Wow! The face painting artist did a great job!

Stephen sends his Christmas hugs to make you feel better. We love you!

judithheartsong said...

You Christmas cheer and mine may have gone to the Bahamas........
feel better and rest and be good to you.
gentle hugs,
judi

jess3dragonfly3 said...

Awww I'm so sorry to hear that you aren't feeling well! Please feel better soon! You are in my thoughts and prayers!

Big Hug to you!!!!

Jessica

PS: The face painting looks beautiful on you! I love that picture!

indigosunmoon said...

Oh dearest...don't fret.  You've been through so much
this past month or so..what with Hunny having her
surgery and you having yours.  
The picture is adorable!  Love the Santa hat!
Big hugs!
Connie

aynetal3 said...

sending you a :::::::::::::Charley Brown Christma tree Freee :) :::::::::::::::: we want to see that smile again.  Know you're having a tough time with recovery, so we're going to wish extra hard that you get well!  Love you, "freely in heart!"

geminiwilder said...

it's two days later...hope you are feeling much better!!!  

that photo is great.  you'll be smiling brightly again in no time!

xo Phinney    MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!

babyshark28 said...

CUTE card.  love it :D
I had been prescribed Vicadon after I had Caleb, I took too many once and I thought I was going to stop breathing and pass out.  Never made that mistake again.   I only took them for like....3 days.  I don't remember ever having withdrawls or detoxing at all.  Sorry your having such a reaction to them, it is possible that some meds are not good for you at all.
anyway...hope you find your cheer and I hope the pain subsides.
as always.
xo

gatorspictures said...

The Christmas Card is FLAWLESS!!!
Sending you a little Christmas cheer, Freee...
I don't have much myself this year.
Must be the whole WAR thing.
Next year will be better.....
::::::ooooohhhhhmmmmm:::::::

slowmotionlife said...

Love the face painting!!  LOL  I've felt so bah-humbuggish this year, but it's slowly fading.  Only 4 more days to go.  Like you, I don't mind the crowds at Christmas time too much.  Especially when I don't really have to buy anything, when I can just walk around, window shop, watch the people coming and going.. little kids in their Christmas outfits on their way to see Santa... grown men in Santa hats... yeah, it's nice.  Lay off the drugs.  SloMo luvs ya.  :)

andreakingme said...

I love the card! And the photo! The ones that come with personal photos are the BEST. And you do look splendiferous. ;-)

I don't remember my lungs being affected at all by the Vicodin or Darvocet I took last year ... and I took those drugs for probably two weeks following the surgeries. Well, not the Vicodin since it made me nauseas, but definitely the Darvocet. I'm not one who will suffer pain well. Nope. Not at ALL.

Get your lungs checked. And if the pain from the surgery is enough to make you uncomfortable, I'd take the prescription medicine; that's why you were given it. There's absolutely no need for you to suffer. Pain can depress you. (Sheesh. I'm so good at giving unwanted advice. Do you want to kill me now?)

I luv you, too!

sonensmilinmon said...

Well, I happen to LOVE that card, I think it's my favorite. :-)  As for the Christmas cheer, I'm with you in still searching for mine.  Wishing you a very merry Christmas.

Monica
http://journals.aol.com/sonensmilinmon/SmilinMonsAdventures/

sonensmilinmon said...

My fine young son, Ryan just saw your picture and said "She's gorgeous with the most beautiful eyes"  Just thought you should know.  I think he's got good taste!

Monica
http://journals.aol.com/sonensmilinmon/SmilinMonsAdventures/

deabvt said...

Great Pic!!
V