Monday, November 15, 2004

Oh no. Oh yes. OK.

Oh no.  Oh yes.  Oh no.  Oh yes.  ... 

OK, obviously I'm having a bit of an internal process about something.  What could that be? 

Hmmm... Umm... maybe a reaction to the phone call I just received? 

The ENT surgeon didn't even attempt to call and talk to me -- not even a chance for an I told ya so.  She was smart enough to have an administrator call and schedule surgery.  Hey, my message said I was ready to talk about scheduling surgery.  I know, I know...what's to talk about?

It's one thing to leave a message and act all brave, saying I think I'm ready.  It's another to write the date in ink ... especially when that date is less than a month away. 

Ohh headache.  Ohh nausea.  Oh no.  Oh yes.  Oh no.  Oh my.  OK.

Pre-Op : Dec. 01
Surgery : Dec. 10

That's all I got.  I'm out.


coy1234787 said...

oh no, oh yes, oh my,  OK ... You can do this, we're here for you.
                          *** Coy ***

geminiwilder said...

((((((((((((tons of hugs, freee!!!)))))))))))))))

  breathe, you're ok.  oh, yes.

martinsek5 said...

You can do it!!!  I'm now coming out of it, and I can tell you its worth it.  I go to see MY ENT surgeon tomorrow to get stitches out!  Take deep breaths... it will all be ok and worth it.  Pamela

ryanagi said...

OMG! Ok...deep breathing exercises. Now would be a good time to brush up on the de-stressing meditation techniques!

andreakingme said...

Ahhhh, now I see.

What you SHOULD have done was to schedule it sooner than December 10th.

I know ... it probably seems reallysoon to you already, right? But see, the more time you have to mull this over, the more worried you could make yourself.

So. Since this ain't the case ... you are not allowed to "mull" over your surgery. Once you answer the last comment on THIS entry, no more obsessing over what you can't change, over what will be.

You can think positively about it, but that's it. I'm sending my guardian angel, Kym, to keep an eye on you. She doesn't mind overeating, barfing, laziness or black lipstick days, but she WILL TELL ON YOUR BUTT if she sees you dive headlong into a case of the needless worries.

You can indulge in a few worries (only a FEW) on pre-op day. And maybe a few on December 9th. But I want you feeling like Rocky 1, 2, 3, 4 and 5 before the fight on December 10th.

Got it?

yakima127 said...

That is a long time to do the internal debate!  JAE

s0ngbird1962 said...

Think the surgeon could put the tumor in a little jar and put a Christmas ribbon on it?  : )

Ok, so maybe you don't want to look at that every morning when you open the medicine chest....

Glad you have a date and it will be over before the New Year.... A New Year free of that anxiety.  I just know it'll be ok... Having the feeling time will fly for you.

magogos said...

After it is over and done, you will be so relieved. Just be sure to take someon steady as the Rock of Gibralta with you to the Pre-Op appt, and have some people on stand by for after. Breath into the earth a lot, too. Blessings, Margo

freeepeace said...

PHINNEY - Wow, tons of hugs - thanks. ;)  ::breathing::

COY - Always so supportive - thank you much.

PAMELA - Honestly, it was one of your recent entries that scared the yikes into me.  I think it was right after your surgery.  You seem to be recovering well - and quickly.  That's inspiring.

RYANAGI - Yes yes.  Deep breaths.

freeepeace said...

JAE - You're tellin' me!  Then again, it's been over two years...I think I can wait another few weeks.

MICHELLE - Actually, I really WANT to see the tumor that's been living in my head all this time. Maybe not every morning.  But it's taught me a lot.  I wanna know what it looks like.  Thanks for your support.

MARGO - Oh.  All day I was thinking I'd go to the pre-op alone.  I'll rethink that I guess...since I really don't know what to expect.  Ahhh breathing into the earth.  Thanks for the reminder.

freeepeace said...

ANDREA - The scheduled date wasn't my decision.  The office called and said the surgeon "would like to offer a surgery date of December 10th."  I think it actually takes a couple of months to schedule stuff around there (HMO, y'know?)

Thanks for sending Kym.  Hope I don't mess her up with my obsessive anxieties.  I'll be sure NOT to comment on every last comment in this entry, JUST so I can reserve the right to "mull" and obsess with needless worries. :P

Gonna fly now... Yo Adrian!

readmereadyou said...

You will be fine. Everyone will say a prayer. Put it out of your mind until then. I know it's hard but do fun things or stay busy.

bridgetteleigh75 said...

Trish ~

I know surgery scares me, I'm nervous as heck about my C-section tomorrow...but it's probably for the best.  You're a trooper!  You'll get through it with flying colors!  

Try not to focus on the surgical part of it, but instead, on the healing it will do to your body.  I have faith in you, Trish.  Always have.

Love you,

ann7inflorida said...

Freee..(((HUGS))) Everything is going to be fine!!! I'm sending LOTS of positive thoughts your way. ~Ann

ksgal3133 said...

Prayers and good vibes for you!


judithheartsong said...

You can do this... how can we support you? judi

andreakingme said...

Trishy wrote:

"I'll be sure NOT to comment on every last comment in this entry, JUST so I can reserve the right to "mull" and obsess with needless worries."

No tricks, you!

I hope you didn't think that you can't or shouldn't worry and that if you do, it's stupid or something. (You didn't, did you?) I was just thinking that you would do better if you psyched yourself up to lick this thing -- if you kept the negatives outnumbered by the positives.

Kym, by the way, isn't afraid to use her whip. I've got the scars to prove it.

indigosunmoon said...

It'll be ok luv.

derossetfamily said...

You are going to ROCK--watch. You will, I know it. Love you!!

jess3dragonfly3 said...

Everything will be ok and you are in my thoughts and prayers!

krobbie67 said...

She let the administrator call to close the deal. She's one smart woman. It's OK. yes, oh yes! :-) --Robbie

aims814 said...

You are doing the right thing. Believe me, when it's history, you'll be so thankful you went through with it. You'll also probably say, "That wasn't as bad as the stress over it was."  I've had too many surgeries to count. Well, I could count them...but I wont. :)

Love you!

And, remember to breathe <~ Uh, this time last year, you were telling me this.

kristeenaelise said...

We'll all definately be sending positive energy your way.  You'll do fine.  I think the anticipation will be way more difficult than the procedure.

You've got lotsa friends out here if you need to vent or scream or cry or throw stuff.  (Ok maybe not that last one)

=) kris

sharkie412 said...

Thats definitely something that would take time to process. Surgery. I'll be rooting for you and also for a quick recovery. :)

clarity4today said...

Ohhhh... I know this must be very worrisome for you.  I hope that you don't have sooo much anxiety about it, and use the support you have to help get you through it. That usually helps. :-)

babyshark28 said...

well, I feel for ya.
I would be stressin' for sure as well. I don't like being
in the hospital, and getting under the knife....who doesn't?
but, ya gotta do what you gotta do.

luckyaugustgirl said...

Good luck sugar..... you know j-landers are pulling for you and a speedy recovery! You are brave ms. freee, and if your not, you can borrow the cowardly lion's courage for a day or two.:) Thats guaranteed courage mojo for you..... :)

slowmotionlife said...

No matter what you decide, this is a VERY scary subject.  Who can blame you for having some heavy internal dialogue goin' on?  Just breathe.  Remember that most patients put their full faith in the medical system, so many staff members are used to this and just ASSUME things about your interaction and reactions.  They don't mean to be oppressive and controlling - and you still have a VOICE in your own care.  Knowing this will make you feel more comfortable, I think, and not so reactionary.  Just keep us informed and know that you're supported here.  Love ya, hon.

jcgeorgiapeach said...

Years ago, there was a fire in a high rise in Chicago.  Employees of the various offices made their way frantically to the stairway and found themselves at the end of a very long line that was not moving at all.

In the front of the line was a woman, who in her panic, stopped dead in her tracks and held on for dear life to the railing.  The man behind her asked, "Ma'am, why aren't running down the staircase?"

She answered, "Because I'm scared!"

He then said, "Ok, I hear you.  Run down the staircase scared then!"

It's ok to be scared with what you're facing.  You know it needs to be done and we're all praying for you.  Do it scared Freee honey.  And therein will lie your courage.  

Love ya hon~Peachy

montaukny said...

{{Freee}} Some decisions are just so damn hard ~~ no matter how good the outcome would be and/or that you know in the end you'd be doing the right thing.  You sound just like me when it comes to certain things, I just had to chuckle even though it's a serious subject.  Please know that I'm behind you 100% no matter what!  Smooches!  ~Aunt Nub~

diannevan said...

OHMIGOD!  December 1st, that's today! (as of 7 minutes ago, at least).  Oh, I hope you're doing it!!