Monday, November 29, 2004

For the Love of Survivor


If you read DiAnne's journal, you're likely to know by now that I'm a newbie Survivor fan.  It's only my second season but I'm a bit of a psycho-fan.  That's kinda redundant ... seeing that fan is short for fanatic.  If you notice, the last four letters were removed so they could be used in the more-popular lunatic.

Anyway, since DiAnne and my friend Jennifer turned me on to Survivor, I feel incomplete if I miss an episode.  Thankfully, DiAnne had sent me the first five episodes of this season to keep me updated.  I'd missed two in a row while I was in the Northeast this past fall.  I've been caught up since.  But last Thursday was Thanksgiving, so I completely forgot it was a Survivor night.  And (of all nights) I missed what is now being referred to as "the best episode of the season."  Go figure.

I've been a fan of one player from the very beginning.  However, some people find it perfectly acceptable to sway their opinions of these players from week to week.  Keeping with the consistency of my feelings, I've created the above bumper sticker for myself.

Even though I'm pretty sure Ami's head is on the chopping block from here on out, I'll love her forever.  She'll have to win immunity for the rest of the season to stay in this game.  They're all on to her.  Know why?  She's their biggest threat.  She's assertive, smart, wise, strong and she has yet to lie or cheat to get this far.  She's been open and honest about where she stands from the very beginning.  I love her integrity.  And come on, how cute is that skirt she wears?  A skirt. Deserted. On an island!  Contrary to popular belief (DiAnne!) it's not about the blue bikini - or what's in it.  That's just a bonus.

So not to start a cat-fight over here, I've done the democratic thing by creating another signage for those of you who are members of DiAnne's "I Hate Ami" Fanclub.

Frankly, I'm tickled that Ami's popularity is plummeting.  I was getting freaked out that I liked one of the "popular" players at the beginning.  Conformity scares me.  So, for all I care, y'all can have your Chads and Julies.  As long as I can have my Amis.

But seriously, if Eliza doesn't go soon, I may have to hunt her down and gag her myself.  If Ami doesn't make it to the final two, my vote will go to Scout.

Survivor logo ripped off and used without permission of CBS or its affiliates.  It's just a journal, folks.

Friday, November 26, 2004

Good Stuff

Robbie's Homemade Pumpkin Pie

It's not just a dessert.  It's also a kickin' breakfast.  Later it will make an excellent lunch.  Followed by leftover mounds of her Freeepeace Special - mashed potatoes!

Ooooh yeah, so much to be thankful for.

Hunny's joined me on this bandwagon.  Robbie sent me home with a bloody beef bone (I know, ew.)  But now she's Hunny's hero.  And Hunny's my hero.  There's not one speck of meat or marrow left.  Atta girl!

~ * ~ With the exception of a wonderful homecooked dinner with Robbie, I've been working all week/end.  I'm off to work some more.  I hope everyone is enjoying this kick-off to the holiday season. ~ * ~

Wednesday, November 24, 2004

Earthmother's Cupboard

Earthmother's Cupboard -- Potpourri and Sachets hand made by J-Land's Hippie (In Yuppieland).

Timing is everything.  And this gift, I must say, is perfectly timed.  Obviously it looks beautiful.  But that's not even half the beauty.  I almost passed out last night as I was sniffing and huffing each bag of potpourri.  And the lavender sachets are potent enough to fill a bathroom, a closet or even the PeaceMobile with a much more relaxing scent than (the scent that now overwhelms the cargo area).

I spent (too much) time playing eenie-meenie-minee-moe with all the different potpourri mixes on the website.  I finally decided to start with these items:

[text from Earthmother Cupboard's website]

HeartSong - This was inspired by the fabulous JudithHeartSong. Vibrant shades of red, orange, and yellow with a touch of gold, combined with a heady jasmine scent, capture her lively and beautiful spirit!

Peace - This blend was inspired by FreeePeace's journal, Journey to Peace. The colors are the natural and down-to-earth tones of green, brown and cream, with the scents of sage and cedar and lavender.

I chose HeartSong because I'm a sucker for the scent of jasmine.  Plus, you know, I just love Judi.  So that's a bonus reason.  I don't know how Hippie did it, but the Peace scent and the colors really speak to the core of me.  Very earthy and calming.  Exactly what the doctor ordered.  Thank you Hippie.  Already I want more.  And so I shall get more.

Our community is blessed to get the chance to experience J-Land's artists and creators, like Hippie, during their start-up and experimental stages.  Because honestly, her prices cannot be matched anywhere!  Potpourri is only $4.00 for a two-cup bag.  Three handcrafted sachets with cultured herbs and lavender oil for only $6.00 plus shipping is practically unheard of.  Hello???  That's three gift-package toppings.  Or three stocking stuffers.  Or one whole gift as is -- perfect for holidays, birthdays, grab-bag office parties, or that well-deserved, long-overdue gift to yourself.  Thank you, Self. That was very thoughtful. Aww don't mention it. I just wanted to show my appreciation...

Ten bucks goes a long way at Earthmother's Cupboard.  Where else could you buy more than one thoughtful gift for under $10.00?  With the ever-growing selection, you're sure to find a mix that suits anyone's style.  If you're anything like me, you'll have a more difficult time deciding what NOT to order.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Before you rush off to place your orders ... I just had to post this.  The following is the epitome of Hippie's journal name: Hippies In Yuppieland

My package arrived very securely wrapped in recycled materials ...

... consisting of a grocery store bag and a SpongeBobSquarePants Cereal box. 

Commercial-Hippyism at its best!

Monday, November 22, 2004

Are we there yet?

Where have I been?

One of my doggie-clients has cancer.  She's been through many vet visits, two surgeries, biopsies, scary prognosis, stitches, medication, discomfort and finally some good news.

She had minor surgery a month ago, to remove some fatty lumps.  When they were biopsied, they discovered an aggressive cancer.  It was a miracle that it was discovered.  Her vet had previously been saying the lumps were okay and no big deal.  The prognosis was not good -- not good at all.  She needed another surgery.  They would remove more infected tissue along with two floating ribs.  After that they said she might need radiation treatments once a day for 30 days in a row.  And even then they couldn't be sure that would keep her alive.

The second surgery proved to be much less invasive than anticipated.  No ribs were removed.  She does have some deep incisions though.  It's been three weeks and she's still stitched up on one side.  Later, the lab results showed she would most likely not need the radiation treatments.  Hallelujah!  Apparently those treatments are incredibly uncomfortable -- not to mention insanely costly.  To say it was a relief to hear the news is way understated.  I swear, her human-mom's entire outlook on life shifted from that moment on.

So how does this affect me and my journal?  Aside from the obvious emotional effects, it's been a month of private care, long hours of doggie-sitting and very little sleep.  When I'm not being doggie-nanny for my client, I'm running my group to the dogpark and walking other doggies.  I haven't had the time I usually have to get my personal things done. I'm not worried about it.  I'm just noticing the tasks piling up.

I had part of a day off this weekend.  I found time to visit one J-Lander on her side of town.  We had a great time (as usual).  Sometimes I just love spontaneity.  Hey Robbie, what do you think of your drop-shadow?  You rock!

Other than that, I've been pretty anti-social.  We finished recording that voiceover background music.  We'll see if the client uses it.  I know they loved it.  But you know how it goes.  It's never a done-deal till it's a done-deal.  Doesn't really matter to me.  We had fun.  I'll let you know if/when the site goes up.

Still nothing from MusicMan.  I don't expect to hear anything.  I'm slowly letting it go.  That won't stop me from doing some recording this winter.  More to come...

It doesn't even feel like November to me.  I keep forgetting this is a holiday week.  I just don't feel it yet.  I usually love this time of year.  ::sigh::  There's still time for the thrill to kick in.

Monday, November 15, 2004

Oh no. Oh yes. OK.

Oh no.  Oh yes.  Oh no.  Oh yes.  ... 

OK, obviously I'm having a bit of an internal process about something.  What could that be? 

Hmmm... Umm... maybe a reaction to the phone call I just received? 

The ENT surgeon didn't even attempt to call and talk to me -- not even a chance for an I told ya so.  She was smart enough to have an administrator call and schedule surgery.  Hey, my message said I was ready to talk about scheduling surgery.  I know, I know...what's to talk about?

It's one thing to leave a message and act all brave, saying I think I'm ready.  It's another to write the date in ink ... especially when that date is less than a month away. 

Ohh headache.  Ohh nausea.  Oh no.  Oh yes.  Oh no.  Oh my.  OK.

Pre-Op : Dec. 01
Surgery : Dec. 10

That's all I got.  I'm out.

Sunday, November 14, 2004

-ish News

Big-ish News

I have finally reorganized my living space.  There are hardly words to describe the feeling it gives me - like I can take a fuller breath. Reorganizing may seem minor but it's just so not.  I've sorted through personal items.  I've packed old memories with love.  And some I let go with even more love.  I've created space for the gift of the present.  I'm ready to invite and welcome new energy. [to be more clear dear universe, I'm referring to new positive energy. thanks]  I'm looking forward to placing orders for J-Land art and original creations. 

Bigger-ish News

I've been hired to write/sell music for a voiceover artist's demo reel on her website.  Huh? What?  It's like music you hear in the background of a commercial.  I'm giving it a shot.  We'll see what we come up with.  I'm getting together with a music friend at his studio.  We're going to work on it together.  This could be fun!  I'll let you know how it goes.

Biggest-ish News

I left a message for the ENT Surgeon regarding the parotid tumor behind my ear.  ::deep breath::  She should call me tomorrow - especially when she reads my words, "...ready to talk about scheduling surgery."

Please, I already expect her to smart-off about 'told you so.'  I don't want to hear that from anyone.  I still believe in natural healing.  If my insurance would've covered the homeopathic medication and all that goes with it, things would be different today.  But I'm stuck/blessed with an HMO.

I'm obviously more ready today than I was a year ago.  Or two years ago, for that matter.  It's my process.  I guess I figure, I've faced my biggest demons in the past years and I'm still alive - even more alive today.  If this is the way to go, then let's do it and get it over with so I can continue healing even more.

Afterthought :  Oooh, you know what would be really cool?  If everyone would send me a picture, I could make a collage for my wall.  Either a picture of you, or something that represents you.  That would be a great addition to my living space.  email:

Wednesday, November 10, 2004


I feel crappy.  Not sick.  Just blah - blech - yuk!  I know I'm not the only one.  Sometimes that's comforting.  And sometimes it makes me feel more crappy.  I'm not like anyone else.  Yet, I'm just like so many others who are going through the blahs.  Hmph!  Can't even have this experience for myself. Crap! 

I know I'm not alone in my overindulgence of processed foods, starches and sugar.  It almost validates my self-destructive behavior.  Even my "healthy" friends are eating crappy (yummy) foods.  So I'm justified. 

But when I sit and wallow in my self-pity, worrying about work (business is slow), complaining about the ring around my waist, isolating from the world, I don't feel so justified.  Instead, I feel like crap. 

...  I suddenly feel like a South Park character trying to see how many times I can say "crap" in one entry.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

In tonight's episode, the role of CARTMAN will be played by FREEEPEACE...


STAN:  Don't say crap

FREEEPEACE:  Ha!  You just said it. a spoonful of frozen yogurt slips out of her hands  Crap!

KYLE:  Freeepeace, don't say crap.


STAN:  Because it's not nice fatso.

FREEEPEACE:  Hey, I'm not fat, I'm ... ah crap!  you're right.  She drops to the ground to scoop up the melting frozen yogurt.  Crap!

STAN and KYLE:  Freeeeepeeeeeace!


STAN and KYLE:  DontSayCrap!!

FREEEPEACE:  Oh?  No?  Crap!  Crappy-crap! Crappety-crap-crap-crap!

KENNY:  charges for Freeepeace's half-eaten pint of frozen yogurt  mumble-mumble-gesture-mumble-mumbl

FREEEPEACE moves Phish Food out of harm's way

KENNY slips on drips of Ben & Jerry's and falls in open manhole

STAN and KYLE:  Oh my God, they killed Kenny!

STAN knocks Ben & Jerry's out of Freeepeace's hands.  It rolls down the manhole

FREEEPEACE:  You bastards!   she chases pint and gets stuck in manhole.  Ah crap!  This is a crappy ending to a perfectly crappy day.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

We shall return to our regularly scheduled programming -- sometime...ish.

Sunday, November 7, 2004

Return to Girlyhood

I survived my second Girly Outing of the year.  Some of you may remember my first outing last year.  I enjoyed this one as well.  Even though C. Caliente wasn't with us, she is the original link to this recent venture: MAKEUP.

Yesterday's appointment was a little daunting for me right off the bat.  We were going to get "fitted" for makeup.  That meant I would have to sit under bright lights with others staring at a place that makes me uncomfortable.  I have 'face issues' to say the least.  Blotchy, sun-damaged skin.  Oily underneath.  Dry on the surface.  It's just a whole big scary mess for me.  I wear makeup once in a while.  But eventually it messes with my skin's balance/imbalance or whatever.  So I don't usually wear any makeup.


We arrived at Lori Hart's house/studio.  As we walked up to the door we noticed just how enormous the building was and wondered which unit she was in.  Quickly we realized this was no apartment building ... it was a mansion.  With my soft knock on the door, Lori came and greeted us.  Very lovely woman - welcoming, friendly, naturally beautiful.

Off in the distance we heard little yappy yelps.  Ahh, the one thing about this experience that started to feel comfortable to me - dogs!  Lori called them down from whatever floor they were on (it did take them a while to get to us).  They spent most of the evening with us.  The dogs were just as lovely as Lori.

The main makeup studio was less intimidating than I imagined.  It had a warm, soft, back-to-the-roots-of-femininity feel.  Vintage everything.  Lori said women are usually taking care of others and her vision was to create a space that was a reminder of how women need to pamper themselves.  So everywhere we turned, there was some little expression of sweetness, beauty, warmth, femininity and comfort.  Definitely not sticky-sweet or supermodel-skinny-girly.  Very earthy, mature and loads of fun.

After friends, it was my turn in the chair.  Ugh.  Here we go.  I'd been taking pictures all evening so Cheryl was determined to steal my camera and have a field day.  I sort of felt like I was at a dentist's office.  My face all scrunchy.  White-knuckled on the arms of the chair.  Basically, a look and feel of terror.  After Lori applied a foundation and I noticed an immediate difference in the blending of my natural skintone, I was like, yeah ... have at it.

She went on to do my eyes, my lips and added some blush.  If I could've afforded it, I'd have bought the entire face.  At one point, I announced, "This stuff sells itself!"  This isn't just any makeup mind you.  It's made from all natural minerals.  So it actually helps rejuvenate the skin while you're wearing it.  [Hello, that's like telling me I can eat chocolate chip cookies, coffee ice cream and mashed potatoes all day long because it's good for me!]

Later, we went to dinner and not even a tiny spot of lipstick smudged my water glass or my napkin.  Around midnight, I tried washing my face and everything came off easily - except for the lipstick.  I swear, I slept all night, I washed my face again this morning, I ate breakfast, drank a bottle of water, I'm on my second cup of coffee ... and still my lips are painted!

I'll bet I could apply this makeup on a Friday night and be good to go all weekend.  Of course, I'd have to actually GO somewhere.  But it's good to know, I'd be good to go.

So add this to my Wish List.  Will it ever end?  Hope not.  It's too much fun.

Visit Lori Hart's website.  If you make an appointment with Lori, tell her I sent you.  With a referral discount, I just might be able to afford to buy more of her products sooner than later.  Then you tell two friends, and so on and so on...

Thursday, November 4, 2004

Working It Out

Well, the Music Wars continue.  MusicMan and I had a blowout phone conversation today that basically ended with the threat of him deleting all my work unless I come up with his specific dollar amount to "buy" my own music [half-produced, rough copies of eight songs mind you.  Oh, and did I mention it's MY MUSIC?]

I informed him that his number doesn't work for me.  And I made an offer that I was comfortable with. [even though zero dollars were ever to be exchanged ... again, for MY MUSIC]

Clearly, my number didn't work for him.

Dogpark goers got echoes of my voice roaring words and phrases like "crooked" and "per our original agreement" and "the next person you will be hearing from is my lawyer."  When he told me I didn't have a leg to stand on, I was sure to mention the written documentation (and many witnesses) of our work together - right here in J2P.

Oooh, there's so much more.  But I'm still holding out for peace on a wing and a prayer.  I told him it would be so easy for him to give me a copy of my music, clear his hard drive, take the hundred bucks I offered and call it a day.

There is still hope.  We'll see.  It's a win/win for him to take my offer...especially since it's more than we ever agreed upon.  How could he possibly think deleting my music would serve him?

One reason I don't want to pay him more than what I offered is because the figure he came up with is enough to start recording with someone more professional. 

I just want a copy of the work I did all last year!  It's mine.  It marks time.  Even if I don't use it for a production, it's still mine.  And I deserve to have a copy!

Boy, this has been one hell of a week!  Everyone I run into - friends, neighbors, clerks - all seem to be in this same state of BLAH.  There's no optimism.  We're all on edge.  I thought it was an election thing but I think it goes beyond that...deeper I mean.  The election is a reflection ... of whatever is happening on the deeper (spiritual/earthly/cosmic/Godly) levels.  Just recognizing that really helps me put things into perspective.  Finding that internal peace place is of the utmost importance.

The lie is that we are all separate.  The truth is, we are one.  Therefore, whatever's being thought by our most feared enemies exists in us as well.  The anger, the rage, the fear, the hate, the despair ... it all must exist so that we can know love.  Some call it God or Spirit.  Others call it Earth or Mother.  Whatever you call it, I'm talking about love.  That unconditional sense of support and trust.  Love above all is what we're here to remember ... over and over.  I've just been forgetting again.  I'm ready to start remembering again.

Just working it all out.  Day by day.  Breath by breath.  Thank God.

Wednesday, November 3, 2004

Peace is the way

If there was ever a desperate call for peace, this is the time.
I'm so upset.  I've been listening to NPR non-stop.  I watched CNN and NBC all night.  I dreamed about numbers, colors, parties and devastation.  I slept unsoundly for three hours.  I awoke at four this morning in sheer despair.  Not only about the final results of the election.  But also because I am acutely aware of how divided we really are as a nation.  Even in our own voting system -- the unbeatable two-party system -- no matter what our political stance, we fight - Democrat against Republican.
I'm not surprised by the results of the voting polls.  I do have my strong beliefs about how our president gets to smear fear and hate all over us for the next four years.  I'm angry that we, as a nation, are allowing this to happen ... again!
I'll get over it.  I'll work through it.  I did last time.  But what the hell has to happen for us to wake up?  How much worse can things get before we realize how corrupt our system is -- how deceitful our president is!  Our president does not speak for me.  He's not interested in my issues, my beliefs, my campaigns.  And by "my" I mean anyone who doesn't think exactly like him.  This dictatorship disgusts me.  The US is a laughing stock.  I am no longer proud to be an American in today's America.  It pains me to say that.  I ache in the pit of my soul.  I miss our United States. 
I agree we must find a way to put our differences aside and come to a common ground to band together as a nation.  That's the ultimate goal.  I'm not suggesting we keep our mouths shut and deny our truth and beliefs (ha! that will never happen).  I'm saying, find a thread where we cross over in those clashing areas.  Find ways to see and hear one another with open minds and hearts - without the risk of feeling threatened, minimized or discounted.
But right now I'm too pissed off!  In order to get remotely close to that common place of understanding, I have to recognize and respect these rageful feelings by giving them space to be heard.  Only when I honor all parts of my process will I find that place of acceptance, and allow what is to be what is.

I'll get there.  I just need to get this out so I can move on.
The quote above is something I've seen in a friend's house for the last five years.  Every time I read it, it's as if I'm noticing it for the first time.  And each 'first time' I'm profoundly affected by its meaning.  Perhaps the events of this election were what was needed for me to remember it as truth.

Tuesday, November 2, 2004


If you haven't done so already ... go ...



Here's to a Peaceful world - present and future.

Monday, November 1, 2004


Hunny and I met Cheryl, Jennifer and Roshi at the Brentwood Dogpark for the 3rd Annual BowWowWeen event sponsored by Much Love Pet Adoption.  It was a bigger event than I was expecting.  Many adoption and retail booths, an agility training course, a silent auction, a cat cemetery, even a doggie haunted alley.  Hunny went through on her own, twice.  By the end of our visit when she wanted to go again, I suddenly felt like a true parent, "Come along now Hunny. Let others have a chance. OK, just one more time."

One of the main events was the costume contest.  Yes, doggies in costumes.  I have mixed feelings about all that.  While many of them look cute in their BowWowWeen Costumes, it's just the kind of thing that borders on abuse.  I mean, it's not like the dog said, "Oooh, this year I want to be a Ninja Turtle!"  A lot can be learned about doggie parents at this time of year.  Adults as well as kids were dressed like their pets. One 14-year-old dog was dressed as an 'aging bride'.  Her mother said, "She's keeping the faith for all of us." ... Really?  For all of us?  Hmmm ...

Personally I think Roshi (pictured above) had the best costume of all.  We told everyone he's really a Pitbull in a Pomeranian costume.  He pulls it off really well, don't ya think?  I wonder if that ballerina-pug knew what she was getting herself into.

Hunny spent most of her time standing back and letting the others make fools of themselves.  There were a few moments I caught her laughing and pointing at some of her peers.  Still, she got a lot of attention.  She's so damn cute she doesn't even need a costume.

We chose to go on the early end of the event.  I was concerned about traffic, parking and crowds in general.  We wanted to miss the celebrity judges.  We timed it just perfectly too.  As we were leaving, Tori Spelling and her dog were drawing a small crowd.

Lots of photographers, reporters, etc. were all over the place.  So I imagine there will be something in the local papers tomorrow.  But, ew. The thought of putting my pup on the runway for a costume contest turns my stomach a little.  Yet, I'm sure if I were there for the judging, it wouldn't take long for me to kill my camera battery and fill the memory card.  You know what that's don't wanna watch, but you can't not look.

There is only one dog I saw this week who looked totally excited to be in costume.  Winnie.  When I arrived to pick her up Friday for the dogpark, she came running to me, all excited to show off her princess attire.  Just look at the joy on her face.  Precious!

No, she did not wear any of that to the dogpark Friday.  She wanted to.  Believe me.  I took a bunch of pictures and was like, "awww, cute. now take it off so you can get good and muddy."

Hope everyone had a fun Halloween weekend!