Wednesday, August 18, 2004

GOO days and BLAH days

There was a time when I would have to endure twenty blah days just to have one goo day.

For me, a blah day consisted of sleeping till noon, not exercising, eating junk food or not eating anything at all, isolating, making half-assed lists of things I wanted to get done, but having no motivation or desire to do any of it.

A goo day is exactly the way it sounds - yummy and gooey.  [think:  ooooh this is a goooo day!]  On these days I would be up at dawn, walking, eating well, socializing and completing every task on my month's list, making plans for the future.

Rarely were there two goo days in a row.  Hell, there were barely two goo days in a month.  I began to believe this was a way of life.

But lately most of my days have been so goo!  I'm talking, for months!  Like I've been walking on air, with motivation, desire, passion and a flair for life.  It's been a long time since I've had a blah day.

So feeling the slightest bit blah today is sending me to headspins of post traumatic stress.  I'm so conditioned to believe the blah is the truth, and that I'll spiral right back down for another month before I'll have goo day again.  It's become a chemical response.  I'm trying to retrain my brain.  And I know it will take the time it needs to take.  I mean, this is a lifetime of undoing.

How much of this do I want to share?  None of it.  But it's also what's keeping me from writing, singing, playing, and updating my journal.  I'm struggling to find something to toss in the mix and fill up space just so I don't have to admit that I'm just not feeling so goo tonight.  I don't feel sick.  I don't feel tired.  I just feel blah.

I don't even know what I need.  But I know what I don't need.  I don't need to be protected.  I don't need pity [god, please no].  I don't need advice.  I don't need praise.

Wait, maybe I do know what I need.  I need to be supported and loved.  I need to be challenged to grow.  I need accurate reflection.  I need to remember who I am.  And I need to provide all of this for myself.

Whatever.  Blah.  I just feel ... blah, dammit.  


pollysci said...

well, now I have a way to explain my malaise days and a-ok days... BLAH and GOO... I like it.  I think those say it all.

tara =]

krobbie67 said...

I've had a blah summer so I can totally relate to the blah days versus goo days. But, I had four years of goo days so I'm wallowing blissfully in the blah and fighting not to give it up. But, blah gets old fast.

Okay, no pity from me: Get off your butt and get moving woman. Are you crazy? You have to ______ (fill in the blank) and _______ (fill in the blank) and ______ (fill in the blank) and so much more. I sure as hell am not going to do it for you. So hop to it chicky!

;-) ---Robbie

krobbie67 said...

Damn damn damn you sensible woman. Now, I'm feeling all guilted out for sitting here reading journals while I have dishes in the sink to wash. :-( Fine! I'm going. But, I'll be back. ;-) ---Robbie

punky5678 said...

Sometimes those blah days are days to reflect, to acknowledge your feelings , not to feel gulty or shame or anger just be with it and reflect.

barbaramck said...

puck it, there's always tomorrow! sleep tight, barbie~

coy1234787 said...

            I was thinking about that a couple of day's ago. It has been quite a while since you have appeared to be especially blah, even while you have been sick you've seemed not to have a lot of exceptionally blah times:-)
   I think the upward swing all started about the same time that you started taking control of your diet. Maybe you just had to much of that Coca Cola Cake. (Sorry Slo) just a thought. If you were here in Florida, you could blame it on the rain.
                                   Feel better
                                 *** Coy ***

sistercdr said...

Sorry about the blahness of it all.  Sometimes I think we get the blah days as a way to make us slow down.

babyshark28 said...

ok, I understand.  ::offering a shoulder or an ear::  xo

redhdka said...

You got a face that to me I look at it and its a ray of sunshine. All over your face says, "LIFE" and it does say "FREEDOM" Your name fits you. I wish you goooooo days forever!

derossetfamily said...

God Freee, I TOTALLY am feeling you on this one. I've started hitting the 'blah' lately after some 'goo' and I'm just like no no NO! My bedtime routine is starting to get screwy again (I write a 2:44 am), old habits that I've stashed away want to creep up again and I've just been trying to beat it down with a stick because the goo is waste on blah. Stupid half assed lists and demotivation. I can certainly offer understanding...I already support and love you! Best goo wishes to you ;)

andi214 said...

I'm learning that sometimes the Blah days are my best days because I have to make myself better. On a good day it just comes natural for me like I've been successful in my training of being a positive thinker, positive energy living human being. Freepeace, you are such a delight to be able to know in journal land or any land actually. So I'm sending all my good energy your way in hopes that you can feel loved in the best way with no conditions. Thank you for being YOU.

ryanagi said...

Neck deep in BLAH here...when you find your way back to GOO, let me know how you did it. :-/  

grassriver said...

I've been in Blah-Land for so long that I almost forgot what Goo feels like. I'm back on track now though - Thank God!
I support you Trish. You're not alone or the only person who feels this way, and you WILL go back to Goo - I just know you will!

ann7inflorida said...

What do you call it when you feel half blah & half goo? I'm sending you lots of positive thoughts. I hope your goo days return soon! ~Ann : )

slowmotionlife said...

Coca-Cola cake makes for goo days... Ohhh... Gooooo....  lol

I know we've already talked about this and I'm almost certain it's temporary.  Just listen to your body and allow yourself to feel blah for a while.  I think we we're going and going and going - even if everything in our lives is good stuff - it's inevitable that we'll eventually burn out.  So rest up.  Feel yuck.  Lay in bed, watch movies, or plan your day around things you know will make you feel good.  

No pity here and only a little advice - Love you!

deabvt said...

Just saw your lyrics over at Viv`s.  Wonderful!

danielled1 said...

Sending some support your way.
You know you'll pull yourself out of it, so don't even stress. :)


luckyaugustgirl said...

I know what it is...... you cant fool me...... you missed me! :D Well im home now so ill have tons of time to comment and catch up in j-land :D I know i know, im just being silly but your going to have some GREAT days.... Wishing you lots of Gooooo days.......


indigosunmoon said...

I love you and support you my friend!
We are all entitled to our "blah" days.
Wearing the happy face all the time
gets exhausting!, snap out of it!  LOL

freeepeace said...

TARA - I guess now we'll know what I mean with one little word [and one little non-word] :)

ROBBIE - Thanks for the kick in the pants.  Sensible? Me? I beg to differ.  I can't even remember the last time I washed dishes.  Oh wait. It was two weeks ago, at SloMo's.

PUNKY - Good point.  Thanks for the reminder. :)

BARBIE - Right. But tomorrow never comes.  But today is a more gooey day than yesterday.

freeepeace said...

MARY - I'm hearing that others like you and me are feeling blah lately.  Maybe it's in preparation for the changing seasons.  Routines, school, work, etc.  I love and support you too! xo

RYANAGI - Sweetie, I'm headed back to goo.  But I think it's just part of the process.  I hear you.  Go easy on yourself.  You're supported.

KELLI - Another one experiencing blah lately.  Glad to hear you're getting back to goo.  I am too. :)

freeepeace said...

COY - You're absolutely right.  Your reflection is dead on.  I actually wrote a paragraph about my diet and exercise, but took it out.  Thank you.

SISTERCDR - I agree...blah days = slow down.  I easily forget when I'm in it.

REDHDKA - Awww...thanks woman.  Goo days for everyone!! :)

freeepeace said...

DANIELLE - "Don't stress" - makes sense, but it's easier said than done.  Thanks for your support.

SARAH - Welcome back.  I feel so much better now. :P  Thanks for your goo wishes.

CONNIE - Thanks for your love and support [always].  And thanks for the light kick in the butt.  :)  Lovish back to you.

freeepeace said...

ANN - Hmm...half blah and half goo?  GAH? BLOO?  Wishing you goo-ness too sweetie.

SLOMO - You're right.  Good point...great reminder.  It's just tough for me to allow the blah to be - for fear that it will linger.  I know you understand - you know me so well.

Coca-Cola cake - in moderation - does make for goo days. :P

VINCE - Glad you like the lyrics. Thanks. :)

gatorspictures said...

smile therapy!
get up, and go kick ass!!! c

hempenhomespun said...

I suppose you NEED the blah days to better appreciate the goo days.

I often have many blah days in a clump.  I tell myself that I am then owed just as many goo days to maintain the balance of the universe.