Ugh. Ob/Gyn tomorrow morning. No wonder I can't sleep. My doctor referred me to this appointment - so I have to go. I'm so not looking forward to it.
I've gotten myself freaked out about illness and ailments.
One of my clients just informed me that she has Hodgkin's
Disease...again! She has to start another round of treatments
next week. Wow. I had no idea she was even sick.
Because of this, she said she'd need to cut back on her dog's park
visits. Why? Finances.
Geesh, she and her dog are more important to me than a financial
cutback. Especially when it comes to personal
illness/wellness. I'm no corporate entity. I have a
heart. I have the means to offer a temporary sliding scale.
It's the least I can do. She's been a great
client. She's a great person. The work I've done
for her has helped me get to where I am today. And I know I
provide a great service to her and her dog. It's a win/win
situation! So our schedule will not change.
But, when I read her note, the word Hodgkin's rang
through me like a familiar song. I immediately began my obsessive
research when I got home. Come to find out, I have all the
symptoms of Hodgkin's Disease. Then again, I have all the
symptoms of just about every other disease, illness and ailment on the
'net. Including prostate cancer - Hello?? Impossible!!!
So why doesn't this ease my worries?
Because I remembered why I was referred to the Ob/Gyn - "to rule out cancer"
- and that scared me even more. Of course, I completely forget
that I've been diagnosed with infectious mononucleosis - an illness that affects the lymphatic system. And all the
symptoms are similar to the cancerous cell activity of Hodgkin's.
Damn me and my need to know everything! [well, don't really damn me ... just damn, dammit!]
Sometimes the internet is a scary place to be when you're me.
Oh great, another opportunity to choose ... love or fear. ::sigh::