Thursday, July 8, 2004


Ugh.  Ob/Gyn tomorrow morning.  No wonder I can't sleep.  My doctor referred me to this appointment - so I have to go.  I'm so not looking forward to it.

I've gotten myself freaked out about illness and ailments.  One of my clients just informed me that she has Hodgkin's Disease...again!  She has to start another round of treatments next week.  Wow.  I had no idea she was even sick.  Because of this, she said she'd need to cut back on her dog's park visits.  Why? Finances.

Geesh, she and her dog are more important to me than a financial cutback.  Especially when it comes to personal illness/wellness.  I'm no corporate entity.  I have a heart.  I have the means to offer a temporary sliding scale.  It's the least I can do.  She's been a great client.  She's a great person.  The work I've done for her has helped me get to where I am today.  And I know I provide a great service to her and her dog.  It's a win/win situation!  So our schedule will not change.

But, when I read her note, the word Hodgkin's rang through me like a familiar song.  I immediately began my obsessive research when I got home.  Come to find out, I have all the symptoms of Hodgkin's Disease.  Then again, I have all the symptoms of just about every other disease, illness and ailment on the 'net.  Including prostate cancer - Hello??  Impossible!!!

So why doesn't this ease my worries?

Because I remembered why I was referred to the Ob/Gyn - "to rule out cancer" - and that scared me even more.  Of course, I completely forget that I've been diagnosed with infectious mononucleosis - an illness that affects the lymphatic system.  And all the symptoms are similar to the cancerous cell activity of Hodgkin's.

Damn me and my need to know everything! [well, don't really damn me ... just damn, dammit!]

Sometimes the internet is a scary place to be when you're me.

Oh great, another opportunity to choose ... love or fear.  ::sigh::


ryanagi said...

Sometimes I want to kick the creators of WebMD and Medscape in the patootie. My husband is like you...must look up all the symptoms to see what MIGHT be wrong. I can't fault him. He did figure out his own mitral valve prolapse before the docs did. -B

s0ngbird1962 said...

Arghhhh....just had my yearly torture session last Friday, lol....waiting for results.  You sound like me when I was going thru nursing school.  I was studying about all these illnesses and I imagined I had all the symptoms.  Yes, even prostrate cancer, until I learned I didn't have a prostrate in anatomy class, lmao.  

Having said that, so sorry to hear about your client.  Nothing is scarier than having to face your own mortality.  You have one of the dearest hearts I've come across in J-land, except for your inconsideration and selfishness in regards to your SUV.  LOLOL....

Oh, and if given the opportunity?  Always chose love  : )

dockart said...

Beware of Internet medical advice. Seems like as we grow older we naturally become more fixated on our mortality. Been there done that....sporting a breast lump as I sit and type this:(

Good can't catch her Hodgkins. But you knew that;) Everytime we go to a GYN appt it is to "rule out cancer." Most referrals are. It prevents bad things from getting worse; proves we don't have bad things; and covers the docs buttocks just in case they missed something. Try to relax.
Choose love!

lacapp8 said...

I hope you will call me today or on the weekend.  My cousin is a Hodgkins survivor.  Do not let your imagination run wild.  Let the Drs. test diagnose and advise.   I recently rec'd word the my ob/gyn cancer check "just to rule it out" was nothing....    so it did make me wonder are they just sending me around to do expensive tests?      No.   its caring and being wise.   till later,

geminiwilder said...

sorry about your client friend.  that's not good news.  you are an angel to keep your walking schedule with her dog, however, and that's no surprise to anyone who knows you, i'm sure.  hope your appt goes smoothly.  love and healing vibes to you today, freee.


irun01 said...

You are loved my dear.  Find PEACE.  Relax.  Easy for me to say I guess . . . I don't have to go see the OB/GYN . . . . . doesn't sound a bit fun.
I'm amazed at you for your decision to help out your client in spite of financial difficulties.

babyshark28 said...

I know what your talking about, when looking up symptoms on the internet.  I think I had myself believing that I had 6 months to live once!  I can't remember what I "had" now though. :p  
Take it easy lady, breath. your going to be alright. xo

gatorspictures said...

trish, just choose will be good to go! c

derossetfamily said...

You sound like me. I convinced myself last year that I needed a major spine operation because my leg hurt one day after I went checking on the 'net. Turned out my leg just hurt because it did. I can understand your fear, but I hope you dont let it swallow you. Hopefully it will all be nothing. What a good dog walker you are! She's lucky to have you, and my thoughts are with her. :(

miarenee24 said...

Then again, I have all the symptoms of just about every other disease, illness and ailment on the 'net.  Including prostate cancer - Hello??  Impossible!!! <~ LOL... You sound JUST like me. I do this all the time. When I was terribly sick with my mystery illness [still undiagnosed] I had every symptom in the book! My Dr. finally told me that he really wished I would stop doing all those researches, it was only stressing me more. He was right, it was. I'm so glad your on the ment. [I read your above entry] =)
Love you!

hestiahomeschool said...

They call this phenomenon the medical student's the symptoms, and you think you might have it. Also the zebra situation, heare hoofbeats and think of zebras coming, not horses. :-)
I do it all the time.