Monday, July 12, 2004

Sunday Reflection

I spent the rest of Sunday reading old personal journal entries from a few years ago.  I do that from time to time, when I'm looking for self-reflection.  It's a powerful thing, reading words written by your own hand.  There's no denying them as truth.  It was a deep, cathartic experience.  I read aloud for about eight hours.  Hearing my voice speaking my own words helps me process the learnings.

Reflection - Nov 15, 2001
[note: vulgarities unmasked and unedited]

Humble am I as I sit in the dark, flashlight in hand, asking my maker to show me the light of my core.

"Ask yourself." God says. "Who are you? You tell ME."

Wow ... such power. To actually take my own fate into my very hands.

My heart races - my throat closes -
I shudder to think of the infinite possibilities.
My writing gets smaller as I shy away into myself.

"Come back." God whispers

- There's a grave silence -

Moments pass ...

I drift ...

"Helloooo" God beckons.

I take a deep breath

"You mean, I have to call the shots?"

"No," God replies, "You GET to call the shots."

Ohhhhhhhh ...

Recognize your birthright as a privilege.
Take your life into your own hands.
It was your choice to begin with.
Somehow, somewhere you forgot that piece.
So - who are you?
Not "what" are you
Not how are you doing.
You are a human BEing, so BE who you are
Know Yourself
Show Yourself
There is no separation

You are no better than anyone
(But you are way better than you think)

At the same time
No one is better than you
(But they too are better than you/they think)


irun01 said...

Very deep.  Gives us all something to think about.

miarenee24 said...

Profound! Very insightful!

I do the same thing from time to time. For the same reason. It's encouraging to look back and see how you've grown, and in what areas of your life. Thanks for sharing this with us. It's given me a lot to think about today.
love you! xo

grassriver said...

You were there in 2001, and I'm there now. I can so relate.

babyshark28 said...

this is a very personal entry, thank you for being so brave to share it. I really love the sentance. " You are no better than anyone(But you are way better than you think) "  Wow, super powerful! thanks again freee. :)

andreakingme said...

This kind of stuff is what draws me to you. I think I could learn a lot from you, Trishy-Girl. :-)

I can teach you how to swallow M-n-Ms in a single gulp, leap over shoes, cats or those damn hurdles in the road with SUCH (enviable) grace, and ... there's always my primal monkey bark. 'Cause not ANYone can sound like a primal barking monkey. Takes talent.

Okay, so I'm not so good with the deep stuff. I've got a complex. Your butt's smaller than mine.

dymphna103 said...

Free so nicely stated and yet so true.  I loved it   john

nef6861 said...

thank you for that entry.

diannevan said...

Woo hoo!! I'm here, I'm actually commenting!!  It's 11:30 at night and I'm nowhere near done with my work, but I needed a break in the worst way, so I headed to your journal.  Not that your journal is "the worst way" but you get the drift.  I'm rambling.  I'm not even on drugs, but I'm rambling.  I think my brain must be overworked.

ANYWAY, this entry was incredible, even if it IS three years old.  When I saw the date, I immediately thought "one month after the terrorist attacks" but really, this entry didn't necessarily involve that.  It could have been written September 10th of that year, or even today.  It was incredible.  Just like you.

s0ngbird1962 said...

"You are a human BEing, so BE who you are
Know Yourself
Show Yourself
There is no separation

You are no better than anyone
(But you are way better than you think)"

Deep deep stuff here Freee....
  ~~Thanks for sharing, you ARE way better than you think....

krobbie67 said...

Great reflection. 8 hrs! Wow! I like to read an entry or two from time to time from my old journals to see what was on my mind then as compared to now. It's strange. I feel much more aware (awake) then I was years ago. :-) ---Robbie

hestiahomeschool said...

I am Quaker, and we believe that God speaks to all of us, all the time. You really WERE talking to the Light.

clarity4today said...

Oh, that must have been quite a thing to read! So nice to see where you were on that day, and compare it to how you feel now...  But eight hours! My voice would croak before I made it that long, but clearly your voice is in a whole 'nother category. ;-)