I made a grave mistake tonight. I dug into the untouched ice cream after 10pm. That statement alone sounds bad enough. But when I add that it was coffee [heath bar crunch] ice cream, that tells even more of the story. I've been tossing and turning in bed all night. My insides are burning. My head is splitting. My throat is aching. And I have to meet a potential new client at 8am. [Um, that's four hours from now]
My body is tired but my brain won't
quit. I wish I could say it's filled with happy thoughts - but it's
just not so.
Having mono and taking care of
myself is a lonely existence. But having mono and not taking care of
myself is a lonely, miserable existence. God, I miss just being
I learned a valuable lesson
tonight. I haven't eaten junk food like this in about three months. I
can surely feel the effects in my body and my spirit. It weighs me
down, physically and mentally. It's depressing.
I can't find one nice thing to say about
myself - all because I chose not to take care of myself during those
few moments. The ice cream wasn't even as delectable as I remembered. I kept
eating it, thinking - hoping - it would get better. Before I knew it, it was gone. And I
was over-stuffed. Five hours later, I'm still over-stuffed, sick and tired, but
too wired to sleep.
It's strange to know the bones in my
spine are still sore from the hard backs of the theatre seats the other night.
I can practically count my ribs just by looking in the mirror. Yet right now,
I'm so bloated, I could pass for pregnant.
Aside from all that, I've really been
taking great care of myself. I'm eating very well [other than the ice cream].
I'm taking good vitamins and supplements consistently. I'm getting light exercise and fresh air. I'm completely
frustrated with my lack of energy though. Still, I make sure to keep my
schedule as light as possible so I can rest more often than not.
But I miss
playing my guitar. I miss singing. I miss recording. I miss having energy to
be social. I miss journaling. I miss reading journals. I miss my full breath
capacity. I miss being well enough to make plans. I miss hugs.
I guess this whole experience has the
potential to give me greater appreciation of those things. Something to look forward to, I suppose.