Friday wiped me out! I spent the entire day resting in bed yesterday (Saturday) just so I could go see Haize's show last night. And still I felt like I hadn't slept in days. But I really didn't want to miss her show.
I don't know why I tend to forget this about the Pirates
but news spreads like wildfire in our community. Every single person -
friends, friends of friends, loved ones, partners - all knew I have
mono. And most had the same reaction when they saw me. First it was
the shock of how tiny I look. Then it was a lean toward me [a natural
pre-hug gesture]. Then psych! I got a firm hello accompanied by a
wave. No one wanted to step more than five feet near me. Jeff was
cool enough to give me a WonderTwinPowers handshake.
I should've been wearing crossbones on my face! It became
painfully clear to all that this is the ultimate anti-social illness.
No hugs. No kisses. No food/drink-sharing. My pals bought a Cold Stone ice
cream and came out with four spoons ... there were five of us. That's
okay. The strange thing about mono is I don't even want ice cream.
The only person daring enough to hug me was Corine.
I even reminded her to be careful. She asked, "Why, will you break?"
I said, "No, I have mono." To which she replied, "Yeah but wouldn't
you have to spit in my mouth for me to get it?" Oh yeah, that's
right! Everyone's got me so freaked out about it. But I just know if
someone else comes down with mono, it'll come down on me!
Haize was amazing.
She wrote the entire script. She sang, danced and told stories of her
heritage. She had us laughing and crying over and over. It was quite
an emotional ride. I'm so proud of her. In awe. And she was more
beautiful than I've ever known her to be.
After the show I was wiped out again. I said my goodbyes and headed out.
There I was, at 10:30 on a Saturday night, jaywalking across
Ventura Blvd. Not very bright. This is what happens to my brain on
mono. It wasn't till I got to the middle of the street, standing on
the double yellow lines, watching traffic zoom by me, that I realized I
was dressed completely in black. There was not one speck of color on
my body. I casually waved the playbill around, since that was printed
on white paper. When I decided it wasn't the best idea to jaywalk, I
was about to backtrack to the curb when I noticed the traffic on that
side of the street too. So, they were zooming by from both sides of me
I started to talk to myself [true freeepeace fashion]. "Oh,
this is good. I'm in all black. At least I'm dressed for my own
funeral. I need food. I'm tired. I'm weak. Oh there's the crosswalk."
Finally I saw an opening between headlights and made an executive
decision to sprint - mono-style - across the rest of the street.
Obviously I survived because I'm here today to write about it.
I sat in my car for a few minutes to catch my breath and slap my
face awake. At this point, I was shaking from hunger. I was craving a
burger - now that I'm a flesh-eating carnivore ::shudder:: But I was
in The Valley. I haven't lived there in ten years [almost to
this date]. So I was in unfamiliar-ish territory. Being the
resourceful cat I am, I called upon my AOL-J phonebook. And Robbie talked me all the way to the nearest In-N-Out Burger. Actually, she talked me all the way through it - and onto the freeway.
She suggested I order my burger "Animal Style". For a moment I
thought she was talking dirty to me. She explained it meant "with
sauteed onions". Still, when I got to the window, I was afraid to
repeat it...and didn't want to mess it up. Nowhere on their menu do
the words animal or style appear.
It was like a secret
code to the underground world. I ordered my cheeseburger then paused
and checked back with Robbie to make sure I had the right code word. I
looked into the microphone and spoke in a monotone [get it? mono-tone]
"An-i-mal Sty-ell" - I even paused, giving him time to question me...
but he didn't. He repeated my order, "That's a cheeseburger animal
style with french fries. Three-oh-three at the second window." I'm
in! [Hey Robbie, did you know 'protein style' replaces hamburger buns with leaves of lettuce?]
Got home safely, with a full stomach. I'm tired. What's new, right?