Sunday, March 28, 2004

Scattered Ramblings

It's been an anxiety-filled weekend.  I don't even know where to begin.  I don't really have a reason for my anxiety but I guess that's the way anxiety works.  My mind just won't stop.  I don't notice it until I'm neck-deep in a gasping breath. 

Last night I went to bed after 1AM [like usual] and woke up at 6AM [unusual].  I tossed and turned for about an hour and decided to get up and write.  After a couple of hours, I was able to rest again.  I fell into a deep coma-like sleep - full of wild dreams.  I woke up in a sweat and began frantically writing my dreams down.  I just know there's a well of truth in that notebook.  I keep writing dreams, closing the book and moving on with my days.  Someday I'll venture back and see what's really going on.

It's a bazillion degrees out today.  There's barely a breeze.  I nearly passed out walking Hunny on an empty stomach [I'm eating an orange now]. Weather like this reminds me of why I don't eat in the summer.  All I want are fruits, juices, smoothies and cold nutrients.  Ooh, and popsicles!  The mere thought of solid food weighs me down.  But I have to remember to put those real nutrients in my body - especially as a dogwalker.

Last Summer I went on a hike with another dogwalker-friend and her pack.  Aside from the rattle snake encounter and the stalking bee, the worst part of that hike was the blazing heat!  Half way up the trail I got dizzy and everything started going black. It was at that point when I realized I hadn't had a drop of water or an ounce of food since the night before.

I've got a lot going on in the week to come: Recording, haircut [yay], gig, thorough house cleaning, dogwalking, yoga, and the finale - My friend's 50th Birthday Bash!  Ahh yes, now THAT's the way to end a week!

Well, anxiety's kicking in again.  Just got off the phone - conversation left me with worlds to process.  I think I'll take a nice cool shower and find a way to get some food into this body.  I have another entry in the wings - hopefully I'll get to that too.

~ Peace All ~


irun01 said...

I know how you feel when you talk about anxiety. Grab yourself a popscicle (preferably orange) breathe deep, relax, and remember, I got your back dude . . .

krobbie67 said...

Ah, I'm sorry to hear you are filled with Anxiety. It was a rough week last week for me but this weekend has been one of chillin and relaxin. Yup! I've been a vegetable but sheesh it felt good. However, my face bares witness to my anxiety from last week in the form of a big 'ol raspberry on my chin where I rubbed my skin raw. :::slapping head::: I should know better. But, it happens before I realize it. I sure hope the cool shower does your body and mind some good. :-)---Robbie

andreakingme said...

What's going on, Feep? Garsh. I feel ... selfish (you know why).

What in the WORLD is a stalker bee? If it's as skeery as what I'm imagining, I'm going to meep out loud.

An orange sounds good right now. And I love your hair in those photos! Wish I could wear mine like that. Braids are so fun.

Now, kick that anxiety to the side.

mallory4284 said...

Anxiety stinks! Cute hair in the braids! My hair isn't nearly as long as yours, so it curls up around my neck at the ends of the braids LOL (the new picture in my about me, I'm wearing my hair like that) I like it though....too bad I can't braid my hair myself.....

And Yay for birthdays at the end of the week!! (Mine's Friday!)

Hope you have a great week, Freee!

-- Mallory :)

ondinemonet said...

Sending some peaceful vibes your way~~~~~Love, Carly :)

diannevan said...

When you wake up and want to remember dreams, invest in a $20 mini tape recorder and just start rambling into it. Hopefully you'll be able to talk faster than write and you'll remember more of the weirder parts of your dreams.

Now... go eat something!

jeanyu said...

Something about your entry..I don't know how to call, it makes me keep revisit your journal. About anxiety, we all have that more than we admit, just not saying..

bridgetteleigh75 said...

I'm feeling a little ragged around the edges myself. Can't explain it really. I'm just forgettful and spacey. Apparently, I've asked Doug the same question several times tonight. But I have no memory of it.

I think I'm going insane. Care to join me on my little adventure? <grin> Wish me teeth come out tomorrow!

Love you..

babyshark28 said...

ahhh freeepeace, your so dang cute. whether your in a anxiety moment or not. your darling. have fun at the birthday bash. :)

gingergirl05 said...

Speaking of anxiety and gasping for breath, I have had numerous panic attacks this weekend and can't seem to stop shaking. Maybe we both need to just stretch it out and listen to these signs.
Summer heat can be a killer when you're running on low. Definitely drinks lots and lots of water! Hopefully you won't have any problems like that this summer. Stay well and listen to your body; it needs fuel. (Not to sound hypocritical...)
Your week sounds like it's gonna be a blast! Recording sounds like it'd be very cool; I need a haircut, too; gig--woot!!; house cleaning doesn't sound grand but it will smell and look grand when you're done; dogwalking will be fun, minus the heat; yoga will help that anxiety; and the 50th bday party will be awesome! Woohoo for your fantastic upcoming week :o) Enjoy it and try not to let your stress and anxiety surpass the breaking point. ~ Kate xo

aynetal3 said...

Wow a "bazillion?" That's higher than any of us can count! The fact that you are using it to refer to your weather temp, is outrageously insane. Hehe - although the weekend weather was great here, we hear maybe snow again on Tuesday. Now that's the way to counter "blazing heat!" Shall we send you some? Our love Corey and all

geminiwilder said...

freee, sorry about your extra anxiety....maybe your hair's braided too tight???! remember to breathe::: exhale::: and feel the peace! *~vibes~* to you! ox! Phinney

freeepeace said...

IRUN - I had a cool shower and mango frozen fruit bar. YUM!

ROBBIE - Ouch. Raspberry on your chin? Poor thing. I do stuff like that all the time. It's not worth it. We gotta try to notice it as we're doing it. It's tricky. ::sigh::

ANDREA - Selfish? Don't be silly. No worries. A stalker bee is [or was] a bumble bee that stalked Hunny and then lodged itself in her forehead. She tried to paw it off herself with no luck. Two of her doggie friends tried to help. The bee was finally pawed off by Calisto [One of Hunny's longest friends]. Determined, the bee started stalking Calisto. It possibly stung her paw. It was pretty wild. Nine dogs, two people and one bee. Clearly, the bee won.

MALLORY - Looks like you have French braids in your hair in that pic. Cute. Mine were just sloppy, weekend braids. lol Happy Early Birthday! Big week for birthdays! Woohoo!

freeepeace said...

CARLY - Aww, your peaceful vibes always shine through. :)

DIANNE - I gave my mini recorder to The Prophet. You're right, it's a great way to log dreams. But there's something about writing longhand that's therapeutic. Yeah yeah, I ate! :P

JEANYU - I believe most can relate to feelings of anxiety - at one time or another. Thanks for the return visits to my journal. :)

BRIDGETT - I think you're in surgery right now. By the time you read this, it will be all over. Ommm. xo

SHARKY - Aww - you're good for me. Thanks. I hope to feel cuter once my hair is cut. :)

KATE - All good advice. You're right, we could both stand to listen to you. ;-) And this week should be fun - the 'problem' is, my perception is off. I am beginning to feel like those who talk about fear of being social. That's NOT like me AT ALL. But that's how I feel when I think of the gig and the party. Once I'm there, I'm sure I'll be laughing at my previous fears. Dunno. Something to ponder I guess. :) xo

COREY AND ALL - Now you *know* it's hot when I use a fake number to describe the heat. Send some of that snow my way - but only for a moment. I'm not 'complaining' about the heat. I'm just making observation. :P

PHINNEY - Harhar - braids are out and still I'm jittery and anxious. It's okay. Whatever it is will move through. Thanks for your vibes. :)

andreakingme said...

"Meep!" Andrea howls out long, loud and proud.

slowmotionlife said...

Pumpkin, those pictures are adorable. LOL You have so many perfect expressions. These all look funny, though, which I know was NOT your state of mind over the weekend. We were both suffering it, I think, for different reasons. That tight held-down feeling. I hope you're back to your usually darling self soon, all smiles and songs and jokes and laughter. You've got a full week. Remember to breathe!! :D

musenla said...

Sigh, how can you go on a hike and not bring any water, huh, huh?! Okay okay, the maternal side of me is coming out. Dear Freee, I know it's a hassle even THINKING of food in this hot weather, but you have to eat. Something light. Or yummy. Like goober grape sandwiches with lots of iced tea. And fruit. Ok, I have to stop talking about food, ack.

Sounds like a busy but fun weekend. That 50th bday bash is the perfect exclamation point; have fun!

s0ngbird1962 said...

As I was reading your entry, hubby came up behind me and asked who you were. I told him that's the girl on my new CD. He said, "WOW, she looks about 12 here..." Cute pics. : ) As for dreams, last night I had a very bizarre one. I dreamt that me and hubby were selected to be on the "Pregnant Fear Factor" show, with 3 other couples. LMAO, now I wonder what THAT means? And no, I'm not preggo....factory IS closed : )

freeepeace said...

ANDREA - There ya go - Meep out loud girlie! :)

SLOMO - Glad you like my 'funny' expressions. They're just funny cuz there wasn't a real smile in me that day. Ah well. Be glad you didn't see the OTHER faces! ::breathing::

MUSE - I wasn't very hike-savvy. I ate fruit and brought water on the next hike. Yes mama, I know I need to eat. I've been eating...light stuff. Um, what are "goober grape sandwiches?" [Iced tea is a dehydrant, btw. But, yum!] :)

MICHELLE - Hey, maybe if I wear my hair like that to auditions, I'll get cast as a high school student. According to the music and entertainment industry - I'm too old to start a career [as a pop star anyway]. We'll see! Ha! Perhaps Joe Rogan would interpret your dream: "Obviously pregnancy-fear is not a factor for you." :P

somenuttychic said...

Hmmm. I wonder what brings on these anxiety attacks of yours? I can understand not wanting to eat anything when it's hot, but clearly you know you have to. Have you thought of eating protien bars or some other sort of meal replacement supplement? Granted, they shouldn't be ALL you eat, but it's better than only juice and popsicles, etc. Just a thought.