Wednesday, March 31, 2004


I feel so angry today. I hate just about everything - especially my new hairdo.  I just wanna shave it all off.  I knew this would happen but I forgot what it felt like to be so ashamed of my hair that I want to crawl under a rock and not return till it all grows back.  My hair is tweaky-curly.  That means it curls in the strangest places and sticks out in the oddest ways.  I feel more ugly than ever.  But who cares right?  Looks don't matter and all that crap!

I'm so damn busy today that I don't have time to prepare for my gig.  I rushed through a shower and packed up my guitar and makeup.  I have to work at the yoga studio all afternoon.  So, no going home before the gig.

It's okay though.  I'm only playing two songs.  But I have to get there early to meet drummer-boy and "discuss" the two songs in the parking lot.  If I'd prepared better ahead of time, I might've thought to buy fishnet stockings - in honor of the production company.  But I didn't.  I'm wearing a tank and jeans. Tough.

The thing I'm most anxious about is getting there.  I know how to get there but I don't know the place well enough to know where to park and what time to leave.  I'm more relaxed when I know where I'm going.

I feel abandoned by some of my friends... like somehow this is insignificant - or that I'm insignificant.  Blah.  I know that's not true. But I have to type it to get it out of my system.  I'm just feeling pouty.  I don't even have time to stop and cry!  And yoga? Forget it!

I'm just plain irritated.  Everything is bothersome -  the air, city noises, my phone-ring, my "slow" cable modem, AOL - everything!  I want to scream and cry right here - right now!


queenz43 said...

Don't cry Freee. Just Breathe sweetie! Seems like you just had a bit much on your plate and not enough time to digest it all. I'm thinking of you and hope that your Gig turns out great as I know that it will. We'll be here waiting with hugs when you get back. In fact, here's a ::BIG OLD TIGHT HUG:: right now. Much love to you,

yakima127 said...

Go ahead and scream and cry if it will help! But only for a minute, k? Have a good time tonight. It will all feel right when you get there and get it are not insignificant, even if you feel that way. What you are doing is awesome and incredible and puts you on the road to where you want to be, right? So, have some fun along the way!

mallory4284 said...

Sorry to hear your day's been not so good. Hope the gig went well, though I'm sure it was great!! And you're not insignificant. But believe me, I know how you feel about that.

Have a happy Thursday tomorrow!!

-- Mallory :)

am4th said...

Im my professional opinion, you need some PAUL MITCHEL"The Works" it may do worders for your new hair cut!

andreakingme said...

Oh, Trish. C'mere and get your hug!

I hope the gig goes better than you think. And that you found it and parked without a hitch. And that when you wake up Friday morning, you love your hair again. You are NOT ugly. I don't care what you say!

It's okay to be pouty. We all need to have a good pout, a good rant, and a good growl every now and then. So in your honor, I will now rant-growl from the belly up: Frrrrrrickennnnnnn gahrrrrrrrrrooooowl! ::urp::

geminiwilder said...

awww, trish, it's only hair.
wish all of us journalers could be genies and ::blink:: we'd ALL be there tonight for you!!!! way out here in my neck of the woods, your show is starting in about 5 minutes!!!! I'm sending you my ~*vibes*~ right now as i go off to brush teeth and go nighty-night!!!
you ROCK (and so does your hair! :P ) Love, phinney

bridgetteleigh75 said...

Go for it! Nothing clears the system like a good old-fashioned cry. It's almost 8 PM right now...and I'm thinking of only you! Got that CD playing in the background in your honor. =)

Just breathe...isn't that what you always tell us? <grin>

I love you, baby girl! Good luck!

alphawoman1 said...

I dislike days like that when nothing goes right. One thing after another screws up. Good luck with tonight (last night)!

sonensmilinmon said...

Gawd, I had a day like that a couple days ago. I wanted to sit and cry and let it out of my system and I COULD'NT ... Sonny was laid off, and that effected several plans we had ... ugh, not going back there.

I really hope things improved for you and that you had a good show.

Smilin Mon

irun01 said...

I think the hair looks great. I think that you are FAR from ugly. I think that a TON of people care a TON about you and think that you are VERY significant. I think that a tank and jeans will be a great outfit . . . but fishnet stockings . . . . hmmmm. . . .
I hope the show went GREAT Rock Star.

jensie248 said...

Trishy-love ... piping in as one of your friends ... you are sooo significant! And every single step you are taking to bring your voice, your heart, your passion out into the world IS significant. I'm proud to have you in my life. And I for one think your haircut is fabulous! Let's play with some hair stuff sometime...what is ""the works"?!? much love, Roshimomma

slowmotionlife said...

Rawrrrr.. Grrrrrr... Garrrrrr... Poor baby. I'm so sorry. I've been so busy, I know I've been neglecting you. I'm just trying to keep my own head above water over here. As you tell me, BREATHE. You knew this was going to be an overwhelmingly busy week. You have a lot going... and it's wearing on your nerves. Get what you have to get done.. then find some silence! Lock yourself in a dark bathroom, have a bath. I'm here.. I'm sorry.

babyshark28 said...

Goodness Freee.
your beautiful
your important
you can handle the speed bumps in life.
and um....
don't sweat the small stuff :) xoxo

aims814 said...

Aww, I wasn't able to read this yesterday, I hope you're feeling better now. About the hair. I go through that every time I get a new do. I want a change, then I miss my hair. Still, you have to know that I think it's very pretty and frames your face just right. love you, hon!

krobbie67 said...

Sorry to hear you were so stressed before the show. You did a great job!!!! And, quit obsessing about your hair it looks cool. It's "in" to have "tweaky-curly" hair. Relish what comes naturally for you that others have to do all kinds of tweaky things to make happen. :-) ---Robbie

freeepeace said...

RC - Crying is something I need to do more often. Breathing is something I need to do more consciously. Thanks for the hugs. They got me to my gig. :)

YAKIMA - Screaming and crying is what I needed to do the other night and didn't have a free moment for it. But you're right, I felt better when I got there.

MALLORY - Gig went well [as you might've read]. Thanks - and HAPPY BIRTHDAY today!!!

AM4TH - I used to use Paul Mitchel. I'm an Aveda Girl now! But PM has good products. Maybe I'll check into The Works. Thanks.

freeepeace said...

SMILIN MON - Sorry to hear about Sonny. And I do think it's important to let it out while in the moment. Otherwise you end up with a splitting headache like I have right now. :( But it's working its way out. Show was great :)

IRUN - The hair looks great in that ONE picture. But thanks. :) Tank and jeans it was. Fishnets would've been cooler. Ah well... next time perhaps.

ROSHIMOMMA - I'm blessed to have you in my life. Oooh, yes, let's play with hair stuff sometime. Took me three-reads of my entry to realize you were referring to AM4TH's comment about The Works by Paul Mitchel [yes?] I'll check into it. And... how much do I love you! This weekend is all about you sister! I'm soooooooo looking forward to celebrating you!! Woohoo! xoxox

SLOMO - You're right. I forgot I knew it was going to be an overwhelming week. Still getting through. So much to do. ::sigh:: Silence tonight. Whether I like it or not.

freeepeace said...

ANDREA - Aww...thanks for the hug. I found the place, parked without a hitch. Gig went well. It's Friday and I don't love my hair again. But still I have 11 more days for it to fall out of shock. Great growl girly! Do that for both of us! ;)

PHINNEY - ::gasp:: "only hair!!" That's like saying, it's "only breath" or it's "only life" - ack! :P Thanks for the vibes again. :)

BRIDGETT - Thanks for listening to my CD during showtime. I was onstage all of ten minutes - but you got more music for the time. :) Yeah yea, just breathe. You're right.

MARY - The good thing about those days is that they pass. All the "screw ups" seem to happen all in one day. [hopefully] :)

freeepeace said...

SHARKY - Aww thanks for the reminder. Right, just speed bumps. Small stuff. I can handle it :) xo

MIA - Feeling a little better. But I haven't stopped long enough to know. Hair - yeah, cutters remorse. But still I'm giving it the time it needs. God help me if I still feel this way in 11 days.

ROBBIE - Well, you were there, so I guess you would know... about the gig and my hair. :) Ok, working on relishing my naturally tweaky hair! :P

txsguinan said...

Aack!...I know I'm late again and I'm still on my way to Robbie's but...I LOVE the Bangs! (oh definitely matters.) And the twirly-swirly-curly look is a terrific one too, let no one tell you otherwise...people pay serious money to look like you, girl. Enjoy it! ... :)

musenla said...

Aww, it's one of those days when nothing seems to be going right, even though in retrospect, it probably wasn't all that bad.  I hope you took deep breaths to relax and center yourself and that you had fun doing your set.  I'm so sorry I didn't make it, I had dinner guests from out of town.  

As for the hairdo, it's just hair, it'll grow back and correct itself!  At least now you know what style not to try next time.  =P

somenuttychic said...

Awwww. You're just having an off day and when that happens EVERYTHING is irritating: the hair, the modem, any type of noise. Everything. I know what that feels like. Could just be a chemical shift in your body. It should pass. In the meantime, cry it out.