Wednesday, February 11, 2004

Vulnerability

Comments, emails, phone calls, check-ins.  I wanna say it doesn't matter. I wanna say it doesn't help.  But it does.  It gives me a lift, a boost.  It puts a smile on my face.  It helps replenish some 'lost' energy.

So does that take me out of my process?  Out of myself?  Perhaps it does.   Does that mean I'm not doing my work - my inner spiritual work?  Or is this part of finding the balance?

Yes Vivian, times like this, when I feel stripped of all external pleasures, can be very creative for me.  Sometimes they are silent and I spend hours staring out the window.  And sometimes in a rushing wave, I can hardly get myself to a pen and paper fast enough.  I practically have to tear open my guitar case or I knock it off its stand [careful now, it's the only guitar I have] before I can hear what my soul has to say.

It's like my brain shuts off and the light of God/Spirit shines down through the top of my head and pours out through my open heart.

I've been fighting a fever all day - scratchy throat and body aches, alternating between chills and sweats.  The patience I had yesterday must've flown out one of my open doors and windows.  I feel hyper-sensitive about everything.  I'm weepy and whiny.  Just vulnerable overall.

They say vulnerability is beautiful - it's not always comfortable.  But it's real.  And real is beautiful.

11 comments:

andi214 said...

seriously i am so blessed to have the chance to know you. thanks for being you. andi

krobbie67 said...

It sounds like you are in need of some cyber-soup for the soul. But, I guess that's what the comments and emails are huh? Hope you feel better soon. :-) ---Robbie

irun01 said...

** Comments, emails, phone calls, check-ins. I wanna say it doesn't matter. I wanna say it doesn't help. But it does. It gives me a lift, a boost. It puts a smile on my face. It helps replenish some 'lost' energy. **

Again, very well written. I think that speaks for most of us. Feel better. Take care of yourself Rock Star.

s0ngbird1962 said...

Awwww Freee, I'm so sorry you are feeling sick today. I guess I should have warned you to wear a mask before coming to my journal yesterday. I agree, it's a chicken soup (and tea) kind of day. :::Ok, leaving and going to spray my place with lysol before I infect someone else:::

babyshark28 said...

ooo vulnerability...I can only get to this area in my life, through writing. Otherwise, I am a big wall most of the time. I must protect! I forget, those days are over.....I don't need that wall so much anymore. I like what you said "real is beautiful" a counselor told me once, when I was crying. Don't hide, and don't wipe away your tears....your beautiful this way. Love your entry freee. xxo

babyshark28 said...

oops I forgot to say..
I hope the aches and pains go away soon. and in the process I hope you write beautiful words to match her whats going on inside you, so that you can find some release. :)

diannevan said...

EVERYONE!! Just a reminder, the episode of Wings that FreeePeace was in will air tonight in the middle of the night (3:30 eastern time) on Nickelodeon. I'll be gone, but TiVo is set to record.

slowmotionlife said...

I have moments like this... especially the enlightened ones, the ones where it seems someone or something is speaking THROUGH you.. things so "good", you can't imagine they really came from YOU. Just let it happen. Your process is your own.. it doesn't have to live by any rules. If email, calls, etc. make you feel better, then take them. Enjoy them. You''re real. But you're not nearly as vulnerable as you think you are... Luv you.

bridgetteleigh75 said...

Wish I was there...I could be your own personal nurse/servant. =) Hope you start feeling better soon, sweetie. And remember...'feed a cold, starve a fever.' LOL My mom ALWAYS tells me that. I think she sometimes forgets I deal with this stuff for a living. =)

XO ~ Bridgett

itsjustusinnc said...

I'm beautiful! Wait! What's vulnerability again? God I hate being in a rush! All I can think to say are smart-ass remarks. LOL!

Gregg

sunflowerkat321 said...

All emotions are real. And they should be embraced because they are a reflection of the state of ones spirit. You know you will move through this phase into another, and giving voice to your emotions and spirit will allow that process to flow. Those messages, emails, etc. are helping hands along the way. Reach out and take them.