Thanks to fdtate313 I'm listening to Damien Rice online. Perfect music for a day like today. A day that seems no one really gets me - not even myself. It's okay. It's just the way it is. Not a bad thing - just an observation.
I'm at a spiritual crossroads. Perhaps it's seasonal. But it's about that time when I feel like running far-far away. In the past, this has been one of the scariest places, but today I'm allowing myself to be here. No judgment. No shame. No blame. No reasons needed to justify any of it.
I find myself trying to fill my inside with stuff from my outside - a temporary fix-me-up. Not that I'm broken. But I don't feel whole. That's okay I suppose. I'm not whole. I mean, I'm as whole as a person can be, but my spirit has been split. Split and shared with the rest of the world.
See, I spend half my time trying to fulfill my own needs - as a whole person. And I spend the other half, reaching for others - as a shared spirit. Sometimes I get lost in one or the other - A constant search for balance.
I'm beyond ache. Today I can but only breathe. For that, I am grateful.