Monday, January 5, 2004

Ebb and Flow

I apologize for taking so long to update.  But the Journey to Peace isn't always in the flow.  For the first part of this new year I've found myself in the ebb of life.  There's an internal shift happening.  At the moment, that's all I really know.

Over the last few days, I've sat in front of my keyboard with my fingers poised, ready for that stream-of-conscious writing that I so love to do.  Instead I find myself writing half-assed sentences, drifting off into space, getting distracted by air - and at the same time I feel so deeply connected to my process.  There are just no words... yet.  ::shrug::  Nothing I can do but let go and trust.  Trust that this is one of the beauties of life's creative process.

A week ago I might have sat here beating myself up for being "non-productive" but today I'm well aware that this moment of inactivity is just as big a part of the process as activity.  It is absolutely out of my hands.  It's impossible to rush the creative process.  I don't think I fully understood that concept until now.  Or, maybe I did ... but today I'm choosing not to judge it.  That's the difference.

Life happens as it happens.  I have no control over that.  But it's up to me to choose how I will show up and how I will react.  [Ooh, reaction. Big lessons here.]  Balance.  Manifestation.  Creation.  Self-care.  These are all lessons I'm learning and commitments I'm beginning to make for the coming year ... hopefully to change patterns for the rest of my life.

I owe a lot of you email.  I haven't forgotten.  It's all here, in my inbox.  I have 30 comments to respond to from a previous post.  Please know I will, when I can.  In this moment, that's all I can offer.  Well, that, and a lot of love!

Peace, please.

9 comments:

gingergirl05 said...

I find it inspiring that you are at peace with the process of writing and creativity. Myself--I often just get pissed at my lack of ability. I bow to you for your patience and understanding. very cool :) -- Kate xo

aynetal3 said...

No problem with length of time to update. I applaud you for not beating self up. I know we make a lot of judgments. Try not to be critical of others and positive to ourselves. We're giving the thought of life as something out of our control more thought. We get confused with the part where we are life. We've been taught along the way that we are either acting OR reacting. We figure it has to do with choice and its not good to say we're just following script! Our love, Kate

donah42 said...

You're "pregnant" with the New Year, and just like an actual pregnancy you have to wait until the moment comes for the birth, be it a child, a philosophy, a song...Enjoy the wonderful feeling of knowing you are about to "give birth" to something profound and unique to you....

itsjustusinnc said...

Well now I see where all my patience has gone. You've got it. LOL! Ah yes! Creativity is definitely one of those things that just cannot be rushed. Enjoy the peace Freee!

Gregg

miarenee24 said...

Yep, hon.. you just can't force it! It WILL happen, really, it will...and I know that you know that. And, when it hits you, it'll be unstoppable-then...ah, yes-that finished, long awaited for product of your patience :) Love you and being patient w/you. Love, Mia

robbygoe said...

Reaction!!! It's very Good Freee that you have learned this life lesson. I had one kick ass Psychology in college, her name Julie, who I learned so much. Most of the time we don't have control over what happens, but we do have control of our reactions and our emotions. It's not always so easy to control your emotions, but you definitely have control over them.

slowmotionlife said...

Hi sweetie... I think I've been having some strange moments as well. I've felt more inclined to avoid the computer and breathe some fresh family air. I've felt the need to be creative again, though I don't know where to aim my energy. Take care of yourself. Let emails rest for a while. Breathe! Enjoy! Smile! :)

musenla said...

We tend to be our worst taskmasters, when sometimes it's just our inner self telling us to change course for a while; certainly nothing wrong with that. Take your time and just...be. We'll be here waiting. =D

clarity4today said...

Gosh, it's nice to know I'm not the only one. I had neglected my journal for so long. I just couldn't write a thing in there. I couldn't bring myself to catch up onr eading either! I didn't have writer's block or anything. I just didn't feel like writing *there. I was writing in emails, reading books, doing other things... Now, I feel like getting back to it. I guess our creativity has its own path...