Saturday, January 31, 2004

Just one click

Ack! I totally screwed up.  You know I love my bloglines right?  [thank you SloMo for the referral]  Well, I added a bunch of links. [thank you Gregg for your list]  I made my coffee - almost more tedious than commenting in journals.  We're missing the screen in our coffee press so I had coffee grinds floating in my mug. I had to filter it through a tea-screen three times before it was drinkable.  But so worth it!  I love Colombian coffee.  I took Hunny for her morning stroll.  I came back to my beloved computer with all the new links and unread entries staring me in the face.  In one single click, I screwed up the entire list and all FIFTY-FIFE of my links were instantly marked as read.  The only way to mark them as unread is to go to each one and do it manually.  Therefore, I'm back to square one!

It's almost 3:00 already and I'm still trudging through - reading some great entries.  Check out Jamey's new headshot.  Robby's a Mraz Spaz too.  SaucyJoJo is the newest member of the metrosexuals in AOL-J.  It's a sad farewell to Andrea's Friday Five and her hard drive at work.  WOW this is time consuming!  I'm taking a break.  But I'll be back.  I'm determined to get through the entire stash by the end of the weekend.

Gotta pick up my guitar for a bit.

Time Management

Is it just me or does it take everyone else an hour to comment in your own journals?  It's like responding to email...but a lot more tedious!  When we add a comment, other comments aren't there for reflecting.  So I open a new window to read comments and switch between screens to reply, trying to answer questions, and making sure I don't miss anyone!  Some entries have so many comments I'm just too overwhelmed to respond to them.  So, for those who commented in entries such as Baby's First Audition and I Am Who I Am please know, I read each and every comment.  I appreciate your words and thoughtfulness.

I haven't even had my morning ritual yet.  I thought I'd check my email and respond to a few comments "real quick" before I make my tea and take Hunny out.  That was an hour ago!  I'm trying to be more productive and more efficient with my time.  So I'm keeping track of the time it takes to do certain tasks.  I imagine that could provide me with some great information but the trick is to remember to log the time!  Training my brain to think about stuff like that can be a difficult task.

I am way behind on my journal rounds.  I'm not kidding.  I'm like a week behind!  This is the longest I've gone without pounding the AOL-J pavement.  I love my bloglines but looking at all the new entries waiting for me is both exciting and daunting.  I've got a long list of to-do's but I'm determined not to be overwhelmed by any of it.

So, I'm going to make my tea ... no, make that coffee!  When Hunny and I return, I'm going to get my read-on!

Friday, January 30, 2004


Still not ready with the few entries that have been lingering.  I'm wiped out.  I've been busy.  I can't believe it's already Friday!  Where did the week go?

The other day I went to the post office to mail a CD order. [Thank you, Bridgett! check your mail]  While there, I found another order waiting to be filled.  It wasn't till we got to the car when I noticed the sweet essence.  I chuckled, handed the envelope to the ten year old in the back seat, and told him to take a whiff.  He looked a little perplexed at first but trusted me enough to oblige.  As he smelled the envelope, I said, "Smells nice right?"  His eyes lit up and a big grin drew across his face, "Yeah, it does."

This may not sound like such a big deal but he and I are very much alike when it comes to strong fragrances.  We sneeze and gag and make faces when it's just too overwhelming.  But we both had the same experience of this soft scent.  Thank you Robbie, for a pleasant postal experience!

To save money, my roommate and I decided to get joint car insurance.  He told his insurance agent that we were married by "common law."  Honestly, I don't think it makes a difference.  We live at the same address.  That's really all that matters.  But I went along with it anyway.  As we were walking in he whispered, "Now remember to act like a married couple."  So I picked a fight with him right away!  Very convincing.

He said to our agent, "I've been trying to convince her to go to Vegas with me and get married already but her parents won't approve."  The agent nodded with a smile.  I rolled my eyes then said to the agent, "He does this all the time!"  I shot him a look, "Maybe if you start pulling your weight around the house, and stop whining like a baby..."  He just nodded.  Smart man.

More Randomosities

I ran out of my favorite shampoo and conditioner.  I swear, I've been using Aveda so long I don't even know where to begin when it comes to picking out hair products.  I went to a beauty supply store and asked for help.  That's like a crap shoot.  I probably have better odds in Vegas.  I walked out of there with shampoo, conditioner and a brush.  A brush?  I haven't owned a brush in ... about as long as it had been since I last wore a bra [before the recent events].  When I ran it through my hair I was struck by my own awkwardness.  But just like riding a bike, it all came back to me.  Still not so sure how I feel about the new products though.  I'll give them another try.

I'm exhausted.  I woke up early this morning to get a head start on some work that's been piling up.  I've gotten a lot done but all I want to do is go back to bed.  I haven't been able to shake that morning drudge!  I had my tea.  I walked outside.  I finished scanning pics for a project.  I started the laundry.  I started cleaning.  I still have to finish both.  I have doggies to walk.  I have to prepare for Monday night's recording session. I have plans for both tonight and tomorrow night.  I'm anxious about the weekend.  All I want to do is stay in.  I'm feeling very wintery these days.  Next weekend; no plans.  And that's my final answer [unless that changes - I reserve that right.]

Tuesday, January 27, 2004

ADD Perhaps?

I started these posts over two hours ago.  Yes, that's right, I said these posts!  Character limits kept me chipping away for forty-five minutes.  Between that and phone calls, emails and food cravings, I've decided to throw in the towel and post this in two entries!  It's not like they're all part of one subject anyway!  In the wise words of Sister Zen Elegance, [while setting up for the L.A. Gift Show], "up and out!"

Is it possible I have ADD?  ::gasp::  Unfortunately, it just make so much sense.  I don't need to be bogged down with more labels but I am really aware of how distracted and off-track I get in any given day.  Once my mind leaves one thought/project, forget it.  I'm lucky if I get back on.  I'm lucky if I even remember I started that project.  This could be a big deal.  But whatever... what was I saying?

I walked doggies today.  I've been taking them on actual walks [rather than the dogpark] a few times a week.  I'm trying to stay active so it helps to have the dogs keep me accountable for that.  When I have a big pack of dogs, we go to the park but I walk laps with them. 

After walking, I stopped at the library. I went to the counter and asked for books by Sylvia Plath and Anais Nin.  As the librarian was searching, the woman next to me said, "In the mood to be depressed, are you?"  Well, today's as good a day as any!

Huh? What?

I burnt my finger making rice pilaf today.  Well, actually I burnt it while boiling water for rice pilaf.  See?  This is why I don't cook.  I'm actually not completely helpless in the kitchen.  I just don't like to take the time to make food.  Mostly because I don't like to eat.  But I'm determined to learn to make easy, healthy vegetarian meals - like I used to, before I got lazy.

While I was cutting veggies my mouth started to water and I had a sudden overwhelming craving for red wine vinaigrette salad dressing.  I was kicking myself for not getting any at the store - but then realized there's no way I could've predicted this craving.  Or, could I?  I was led to the fridge in search of a measly substitute when lo and behold, there stood a brand new unopened bottle of Annie's all Natural Organic Red Wine Vinaigrette Dressing [I kid you not!].  A miracle.  I'm ready to part the Red Sea now!

I was only gone for a few hours.  When I got home my inbox was jammed with 25 new pieces of new email.  As I began sorting through them, three more came in.  While I know I'll get to every last one, I know I can't even attempt it in this moment.  I'm already three entries behind in my journal.  Even typing now, I hear the ::click:: of new mail.  That sound used to be exciting.  Today it's making me crazy.  Right now there are 30 ::click::click:: make that 32 new emails waiting for me.  ::ringgg:: And there's my phone...

And dammit, I'm craving a chocolate chip cookie!  Is it worth it to work through the craving and let it distract me every three seconds?  Or will I get more done if I eat a damn cookie?

Sunday, January 25, 2004

Baby's First Audition

Spring 1978. Fourth Grade.  New town. New school. No friends. From private school to purgatory.  The only redeeming quality about this place was the Annual Talent Show.

For my first audition, my dad prepared me well, "Now remember, they can't take everyone.  It doesn't mean you're not good.  You gotta have tough skin."  I walked in ready for the blow.  The auditorium was in complete chaos.  There were groups of people practicing in all different corners.  Kids were running and screaming.  Adults were chasing little ones.  The piano was being slammed and jammed.  There was a line out the door of potential participants.  I signed up and waited.  I watched every audition - from music to dance to sketch comedy.  I studied the producers and choreographers.

When they called my name, I reluctantly dragged my tiny self on stage and stood frozen, on my tippy-toes, reaching for the microphone.  My dad revved up his electric guitar offstage and when I sang my first note, the room became silent.  People stopped in their tracks.  High school participants came to the front of the stage and sat.  Babies rested.

At first I wasn't sure what was happening.  I wanted to tell them all to go back to what they were doing.  But I kept singing.  I imagine it seemed a little odd.  I was a 9 year old with an abnormally powerful voice, rocking out with Proud Mary and a couple of Bob Seger tunes!

When I finished, there was an overwhelming echo of clapping and cheering, followed by hugs and praises from strangers.  Before we left, I went to the producers and asked, "When will we find out if I made it in?"  They were so sweet, "Made it in what honey?"  Little did we know, everyone made it in!  It was a PTA thing.  It wasn't Broadway. [thanks a lot dad!]  It didn't matter.  I was doing what I loved!

For the performance, I wanted a blue shiny outfit "like on Donny & Marie."  It didn't occur to me till much later that I looked more like Donny than Marie.  But I don't care.  I loved this outfit and all its sequins. [thanks mom]

The picture above is a practice shot before we walked out the door the night of the performance. And yeah, that's my dad.

Saturday, January 24, 2004

Books & Journals [1]

Since I didn't go out tonight, I'm shopping online. More like researching - or window shopping.  I wanted to go to a bookstore this afternoon but just didn't have it in me.  Maybe tomorrow.

I don't know what's up with me.  I'm exhausted.  I slept earlier and hallucinated/dreamed.  You know those strange dreams where you can't tell if you're asleep or awake?  Either could be true but the freakiest things happen.  It was one of those dreams within a dream, where I wake up into another dream.  Quite a few of you were there - SloMo, Mia, Irun, Chris, Cheryl, Reza. I'm pretty sure WesSolo and Bridgett were there too.  That means, there were only two people in my dream that I know in real life.  Hello???  Get out more, Freee!

I wanted to go out!  I had plans to go out to West Hollywood for a drink and dinner.  But I'm just so fatigued.  It's a stretch to even sit here and tap-tap-tap on the keyboard with my eyes half-mast.  There's only so much coffee, tea and chocolate this little body can take!

My creativity feels a little squelched.  But I'm going to try not to let it get to me.  I keep looking on my bookshelf [yes, I actually have one...with books even!] hoping to find a good read.  But I don't quite know what I'm looking for.  I can't do fiction.  It's just not my style.  Unless it's a young-reader series by Judy Blume - yeah, I still love her.  I like non-fiction.  True life stuff.  Spiritual, self-help, psychology books.  Geez, that does sound pretty hokey.  Ah, I wear it well.

[continued below]

Books & Journals [2]

[continued from above]

Thinking about it ... that's why I love reading journals.  I've never done so much reading as I have these last few months!  I survived high school and college without reading the required literature.  I skimmed books and paid attention.  That's how I passed - and got praised for my reports!

I'll never forget my H.S. English teacher, Mr. Fontaine, [who rarely gave A's] photocopied my report to hand out to the class and an entire lecture was spent on my "perfect example."  I was terrified.  I didn't have the nerve to tell him I hadn't read the book.  I just took good notes from his lectures.  I mean, come on: One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich? Seriously, what's it about?

I remember going to a bookstore with a strange, eager feeling.  I said, "I'm looking for a book about me."  I had all these unanswered questions, overwhelming emotions, intriguing curiosities.  I wanted to understand what it all meant.  But I didn't know where to begin.  Where was that book with a mirror on it that reads, "This is You"?  That's the one I wanted!

Well, eleven years and a handful of wonderful books later, I realize there's nothing in a book that will ever come close to capturing the true essence of me.  Except for the three boxes of personal journals sitting in my closet.

I think that's why I love to read other journals so much.  It's a true window to the soul.  I'm drawn to the spirit of the journalist.  I love getting to know people through their art.  But there's something deeply intriguing about that creator's life story in words.  Oh, put the two together and it's heaven on earth!

Friday, January 23, 2004

A few points of interest

Thank you for the wonderful comments about my new About Me photo.  The graphic is the brilliant work of SloMo.  All I did was snap a pic with my handy-dandy webcam.  And SloMo was off and running!  I'll be changing the graphic from time to time, just to keep it fresh - like me!  Ha!

I've also been getting some incredibly warm feedback about my music.  Some of you wanted to know where to get a copy of my Teaser CD.  That's easy!  CLICK HERE to hop over to my fabulous website and place your order!  It's only $7 and all proceeds go toward the production of new CDs, recording, artwork, etc.  While you're there, take a look around.  Listen to music.  Look at pictures.  Place a pin on your home state in my Guestmap.  View and sign my Guestbook.  If you don't already know, the site is another masterpiece [or, is that mistresspiece] of the creative genius, SloMo. [note the brown template]

Also, I'm looking for some new music to add to my personal collection.  I tend to like acoustically-based singer/songwriters - local, indy-types.  But I'm also an occasional pop/rock listener.  I'm open to expanding my horizons.  So please pass on suggestions.  What's your all-time favorite CD?  Who's that diamond in the rough I just have to hear?  I've burned a hole through Alana Davis and Jason Mraz.  I'm recycling my former loves as the Indigo Girls and india.arie are back in rotation.  But you know how that is - music brings me right back to that moment in time when I first burned a hold in those CDs.  Save me before I pull out the vinyl and start feathering my hair like Jesse's Girl.

Thursday, January 22, 2004

The Boyz of AOL-J

There are so many great new journals on AOL, I'm having difficulty keeping track.  It seems I've reached the max in my other journals and favorite sites sections.  I've got a file of favorites I go through as often as possible.  But I know I'm lagging.

I'm not much of a pimp.  I'll leave all that to SloMo and Gregg!  But I just can't seem to get enough of the boys of AOL-J lately!  I find myself visiting their journals in exclusive-rotation.  I'm boy-crazy!  Who knew?  These guys are creative, intelligent, spiritual and adorable. Completely crush-worthy!

I'm sure you all know these beautiful creatures because I see your comments in their journals.  Heck, I've even commented on your comments in their journals.  But for those who have reached their linkage-limits, I'm posting this as a reminder to make these guys a daily read! [Listed in no particular order]

Robby - Life in the OC 

Jamey - This Sublime Dance 

Chris - The Rebel Yell 

Oh and boys, if you want to know how to treat a woman, raise a beautiful family and take care of yourself with passion for life - then bookmark this link.  Make Irun a daily visit.  And take notes!  He is one of our original beautiful men.

Tuesday, January 20, 2004

Om Shanti


Look what graced my PO Box today!  I went out on a limb - okay, a very short and sturdy limb - and asked Nadine for an "Om" votive.  "What's an Om?" she asked with what I'd hoped was curiosity.  It's a Sanskrit word, difficult to translate.  I equate it to Amen or, in the Native American tradition, Ho.  I emailed her a few links and images and this is her creation ... stunning!  Shanti means peace in Sanskrit.

I hesitate to post these little webcam images only because they don't even come close to the amazing beauty I see before me.  The symbols shine on the walls and the glittery gold flickers like a kaleidoscope.

She asked if I wanted to see pictures before mailing it to me - and I'm a sucker for surprises so I declined.  Imagine my complete and utter awe when I opened the box.  [which, incidentally, was odorless.  how is that possible?]

Please everyone, give yourself, or someone else, the gift of Nadine's creations!  They are handmade with love and care.  It supports an incredible artist-friend.  And the price can't be beat.  It's a win-win-win, in all directions.

Thank you Nadine.  Your vision is exquisite.  Add my name to the growing list of satisfied customers!

Truth - revealed

While every one of these original statements contains a partial truth, only two are completely true.

I played Lt. Benson in the student film, One Late Knight.  I got shot and killed because I didn't listen to my partner - the star of the movie - played by my then-boyfriend.  [And no, you won't find this movie on DVD]

I was originally cast to be in a Paula Abdul dance/workout video but after two rehearsals they caught on to the fact that I had no idea what I was doing.  I still laugh when I think of the look on Paula's face as she watched me stumble through the entire rehearsal.  [That made it all worth it for me!]  The premise was to hire everyday street people to give the feel that anyone could workout to the video.  I proved their theory wrong so they ended up cutting those of us without any formal dance training.  No biggie.  One of my roommates made the cut and was in the video.  I was there for the taping, because I worked for the production company.  I would've died.  It was torture for the dancers.  Paula got to rest a lot.

While it's true I performed in Murder Mystery Dinner Theatre, it's only true that I wondered what would happen if someone actually had a heart attack during the show.  [I wonder the same about Haunted Houses]  But it never happened.

I'd been in L.A. for three weeks when a friend who worked on the Paramount lot told me one of the "regular extras" on Wings had just left the show.  He suggested I walk onto the set and say, "I want the part."  So I did that - and with no headshot, no resume, no SAG card, no experience, I think I stunned the 2nd A.D. into hiring me.  Five episodes later I was eligible for SAG. [and yes DiAnne, I was an extra!]

~ ~ ~

Shasta almost got it by second-guessing herself.  Andrea, I have a B.A. in Theatre. I moved to Los Angeles to be an actress [the only aspiration I'd ever had]  Ginger, guess you got it half right because of your "2nd cousin" status [nice disclaimer].  Monica, thanks for introducing us to this game.  EVERYONE, thanks for playing.  This was a lot of fun!

Sunday, January 18, 2004

I Am Who I Am - Thank God I Am

click here to play one of the most beautiful songs you'll ever hear in this lifetime   [note: don't be afraid, this time it's a speedy download!]

My parents and I made an agreement before I was ever imagined into this life.  I'm fairly confident I was their parent in another lifetime, considering the agony we've been through this time around.  Thank you Mom.  Thank you Dad. With your reflection, through our mistakes, I now know how to love a child.  Thank you Spirit for holding me through my lost moments.  Thank you for the joy and the pain.  Without life experience I could not be who I am today.  No matter what happens in life, I know I am blessed.  I may not always remember that in every moment, but I'm still here.  There are no regrets.  I chose this life.  I am grateful.  I'm a survivor.  God Bless the Children.  They are a reflection of us.  With Love & Peace.

Song : performed by, Seal

I am who I am that is that
I am who I am that is that
I am who I am that is that
I am who I am thank God I am

I am who I am that is that
I am who you are looking back
You are who I am can you imagine that
There is one God and that's a fact

Joy to the World
Peace on the Earth
God Bless the Children
How we love them

More Silliness

I guess this is the night for fun and games.  Andrea's Friday Five.

1. What does it say in the signature line of your emails?
Nothing yet - but it will have my website and journal link [adding it to my list of things to do]

2. Did you have a senior quote in your high school yearbook? What was it? If you haven't graduated yet, what would you like your quote to be?
I did have one : "Sorry."

3. If you had vanity plates on your car, what would they read? If you already have them, what do they say?
Don't have 'em but if I did, they'd probably say, Peace  [but only because Trishalicious won't fit]

4. Have you received any gifts with messages engraved upon them? What did the inscription say?
Hmm.. My first grade teacher gave me a pink painted rock - it wasn't engraved but the marker-inscription says, "Patricia, you are special."  I still have it!  [disclaimer: anyone who comments on my name gets it in the shin ... for starters!]  I also got an engraved gold heart box with the inscription, "Happy 23rd Birthday. Love Always, Jay."  I don't have that anymore!

5. What would you like your epitaph to be?
"I'll be right back."

Truth or Fiction

This game comes to you by way of MonicaGregg and Andrea played as well.  Leave a link if you played.

Of the following four statements, two are true and two are false.  Can you tell the difference?

1.  I played a cop in a movie who got killed in the line of duty.

2.  I was in a Paula Abdul dance/workout video in 1993.

3.  While performing in Murder Mystery Dinner Theatre one night, someone actually had a heart attack and the guests thought it was part of the show.

4.  I was on five episodes of the TV Show, Wings.

Thursday, January 15, 2004

Martinis and Bras!

Freeepeace and Cuntessa Caliente. December 2000

I know it's been a few days since I've updated my journal.  I'm sorry.  But I've been busy.

I've been working a lot [a good thing!] and tonight I went out for Martinis and Bras!  Yes, that's right folks, Freeepeace has joined the ranks of the girly-girls!  Every woman should hit the Victoria's Secret sale at least once in her life!  Honestly, have you seen their dressing rooms?  Whoa!  I was smart enough to go with my dear Pirate Sister, Cuntessa Caliente [it's all in the name] and we rocked that place.  We had so much fun cackling and cheering that the sales assistants were hugging us as we left. 

So, I can no longer say I don't own a bra!  I even bought panties!  Big Night!  [But I can assure you, they don't look the same on me as they do in the catalogue!  You'll just have to take my word for that.]

As you know I recorded a new song on Monday night.  I still haven't received a copy of our sessions [and I don't know that I will] but for now, if you're on high-speed internet access, you can get a really rough idea of what the new baby sounds like.  When I say "really rough" I mean one-o'clock-in-the-morning-low-light-webcam rough!  It's a long download [about 3 minutes] but the good thing is, you can do other things while it's loading!  So click and go.  I suggest you do it soon because it'll only be featured on my journal for a limited time.

[continued below]

New Baby [music]

[continued from above]

Andrea asked what I like about this song.  [good question]  There are two things I really like about it.  1) It's fresh, new energy - that's always exciting.  2) It's rhythmically driven - as opposed to lyrically.  To me, it's a journey, like a drive up the coast on a crisp clear day with the windows down.  This song is all about the production.  That means, this version is just a teeny-tiny taste of its truest potential.  I hear the drums, the three-part harmonies, the electric guitar, and the long, drawn-out fade at the end.  And, as always, I'm writing to Spirit.  Lyrics get channeled and I give them right back.


I'm With You  [Trish Monaco 1/12/03]
There comes a time
when I get tired

Nothing in the world
seems to
ease my troubled mind

crawling walking running
so far
I can't see
the past behind me

Turn around and
one split moment
I believe

I'm with you
I'm with you
I look around and I think
Oh my god, don't you know, don't you know, can't you see
Nothing more you need to be
Nothing less to set you free
the beauty's in the deep
[One] step closer - turn around
you're right in front of me
I'm with you
I'm with you
Now and then I wish my tears away
Holding back the pain from yesterday
I remember [I remember]
I'm with you
I'm with you

Tuesday, January 13, 2004

Music Monday News

I've got bad news, good news and great news.  Which would you like first?  I'll leave it up to you:

The Bad News : I've been recording with MusicMan for trade [i.e. he records my music. I work at a yoga studio so he and his family can do yoga]  So far, they haven't done any yoga - but I've been racking up the hours for that fateful day.  Tonight he informed me, they won't be able to do yoga, and we need to come up with a different trade.
The badder part of the news : he wants money.
The baddest part of the news : I don't have money. [that's one reason we agreed on a trade in the first place]

The Good News : He believes in my product.  If there isn't any money in it for him, he wants to enjoy the work and put a kick-ass CD together that might make him money in the future.
The gooder part of the news : he wants to work with me.
The goodest part of the news : he might be able to get some vocal recording work for me [and I can give him the money from that]

The Great News : [drum roll please]  I wrote a song - and recorded it tonight.  I went in thinking I had 3/4 of the lyrics.  Turns out, it was complete.
The greater part of the news : MusicMan likes the song.
The greatest part of the news : I love the song!

He talked about wanting to be more efficient - as if I'm wasting time in the studio - when I've been feeling frustrated about the time spent not recording while I'm there. I've been nailing my songs in [no more than] three takes. If you recall, it was MusicMan who spent five hours one night hashing out a bass line.

We both agree, we have fun - and that's what it's all about.  I'd be thrilled to play every song back-to-back so I can get them down.  It's the post-stuff that's gonna take a lot of time. 

By the way, tonight's song : one take!  [it could probably use another, but I didn't want to jinx it.]

Monday, January 12, 2004

Mama Hunny

Meet Hunny's kitty-baby, Pepper.  Fall, 1997.


This is the beauty of raising cats and dogs together.  Pepper was just a few months old in this picture.  I was doing a lot of petsitting.  Pepper was surrounded by dogs.  He took walks with us, learned to fetch and joined the puppy piles.  And he always won wrestling matches.  Don't be fooled.  No matter what the pack order, the cat in the house will always outrank the top dog!

Pepper doesn't live with us anymore.  Four years ago I moved to a tiny guest house in Venice with a garden bigger than the house.  I loved it.  But Pepper was terrified.  For months he never came out from under the covers.

Three summers ago, Pepper moved in with his Auntie Cheryl and his cousins, Opie [dog], Moonie and Rudy [cats].  Not long after he moved in with them, he was out-and-about like the little panther we had grown to love.

We miss living with our Pepper but he's very happy in his "new home" - even though he's lived with Cheryl longer now than he lived with us.  Hunny and I see him a lot but we fantasize about all of us living in community so we don't have to be apart.

Pepper is 6 1/2 years old now. And though he's no longer suckling on Hunny for comfort, make no mistake about it, he is definitely her baby.


A few months after Pepper moved, I had a terrifying experience in the middle of the night.  That's when I decided my house was [for lack of a better term] haunted.  [I believe Pepper knew that all along.]  I can hardly think about it today without going into complete panic.  Perhaps I'll share that story in the daylight sometime.

Sunday, January 11, 2004

What a Day!

pictured: me-n-Hunny - 1996  Santa Monica, CA

Today I went to see the most incredible, deeply moving movie ever made.  Please, if there's only one movie you see for the rest of your life, let it be In America.  A Freeepeace movie review wouldn't do it justice.  Please just take my word for it.  This is how all movies should be made - with heart!  [freakish how much one of the daughters reminded me of me - whoa!]

After the movie I went to Target to buy my Christmas gift from a client.  It was on sale for the exact amount of my gift card! [thank you Deanne, Mark, Isabella and Winnie]  How have I lived so long without a scanner?  Mine's been broken for a couple of years and I didn't really use it much before that - probably because it was pre-AOL-J.  Well, expect to see some baby-freeepeace pics along with some incredible pet photos from years past.

I re-rearranged my entire room today.  I think I like it this time.  I feel my creative juices flowing again!  Amazing what a little Feng Shui will do for the soul.

It's well after 3AM and I'm about to wind down for the night.  Happy Sunday everyone!  ~peace & love ~

Thursday, January 8, 2004

Week's Links

This week has been filled with mindlessness : playing games, watching junk TV and senseless movies.  It's probably better than looking at parotid tumor post-op pics on the 'net.

Sunday - Rearranged my room.  I do that about every six months [either that or I move!]  It looks and feels great in here but there's more to be done. Gotta paint the walls.

Monday - Watched Average Joe : Hawaii on TV - and liked it.  [scary stuff, people!]

Tuesday - Slept like the dead in the afternoon. [what the heck did I do Tuesday night???]

Wednesday - Dinner and dirty martini. Rented Uptown Girls. Love the cast but it's a weak, meaningless script.  Still I cried at the end, like a blubbering idiot! [damn vodka]

Tonight - Voted for my top 6 Friends episodes [AOL-only link].  I'm almost ashamed to say I was able to recite each clip, line for line.  It's a curse I think.  [Don't get me started on Will & Grace!]

I'm looking forward to the DVD/video release of the movie Thirteen.

I'm planning on seeing In America this weekend.  I've been hoping to see a movie for the past three weekends.  Still haven't made it.  ::crossing fingers::

Today - Counter breaks the 10,000 mark in Journey to Peace - and Freeepeace posts not one iota of substance!  Brilliant!

Ooooh!  Jennifer Anniston and Black Eyed Peas on SNL this week!

Wednesday, January 7, 2004

ENT Update

Thank you all for the support regarding my ENT visit today.  I feel so much better than I ever have about this.  Yes, the tumor is still there.  Yes, she wants to do the surgery.  Yes, that's still a 'last resort' for me.  But I'm getting more educated. 

Knowing Cheryl would be there with me really helped me sleep last night.  I walked into the hospital without that heart-pounding, dry-mouth fear.  I was slightly afraid, just because of the smell.  But I felt much safer with an ally by my side.

I feel better about doc's "bedside manner" - thanks to Cheryl.  She was my voice and ears when mine went to mush.  Doc knows her stuff.  And honestly, if I decide to have the surgery, I would want her to do it.

We asked for an MRI for my peace of mind.  The doc didn't think it was necessary because she is clear about what it is, where it's located, what to do, etc.  But I want it so I can see exactly what we're dealing with.  That's scheduled for Feb 17th. [Thanks Doc!]

Later this afternoon, I crashed.  I slept like I'd never slept a day in my life.

Monday, January 5, 2004

Marvelous Monday

HAPPY BIRTHDAY HUNNY!  Today is Hunny's [sort of] Birthday.  She's about 9 yrs old.  I don't really know her exact age because I adopted her from the pound ... over eight years ago.  OH MY, that long ago?  She's been my longest day-to-day relationship!  I can't imagine life without her.  We went to the dogpark.  I swear, she played like a puppy again!  I bought us some chicken soup.  She was thrilled.  Reza said she jumped on him this afternoon, as if she was saying, "It's my birthday!!"  [yeah right. whatever reza.]  Cute though!

ENT Doctor appointment.  Tomorrow morning.  8:30AM.  Perhaps that's why I woke up feeling not-so-well today.  Loading up on all my pre-flu homeopathics and herbs.  So far, I seem to be keeping it at bay!  I wanted to spend the day in bed but life's responsibilities just wouldn't allow it.

Music Monday?  Not sure about tonight.  Since I wasn't feeling well most of the day I may not be recording.  The studio is in a garage and I don't want to risk catching a chill.  But part of me wants to plow through this stretch.  I'm thinking we only have four more songs to get down before we start adding fillers and background vocals.  Of course, the remaining four are the most difficult to play.  But that's the way it goes, being me.

Ebb and Flow

I apologize for taking so long to update.  But the Journey to Peace isn't always in the flow.  For the first part of this new year I've found myself in the ebb of life.  There's an internal shift happening.  At the moment, that's all I really know.

Over the last few days, I've sat in front of my keyboard with my fingers poised, ready for that stream-of-conscious writing that I so love to do.  Instead I find myself writing half-assed sentences, drifting off into space, getting distracted by air - and at the same time I feel so deeply connected to my process.  There are just no words... yet.  ::shrug::  Nothing I can do but let go and trust.  Trust that this is one of the beauties of life's creative process.

A week ago I might have sat here beating myself up for being "non-productive" but today I'm well aware that this moment of inactivity is just as big a part of the process as activity.  It is absolutely out of my hands.  It's impossible to rush the creative process.  I don't think I fully understood that concept until now.  Or, maybe I did ... but today I'm choosing not to judge it.  That's the difference.

Life happens as it happens.  I have no control over that.  But it's up to me to choose how I will show up and how I will react.  [Ooh, reaction. Big lessons here.]  Balance.  Manifestation.  Creation.  Self-care.  These are all lessons I'm learning and commitments I'm beginning to make for the coming year ... hopefully to change patterns for the rest of my life.

I owe a lot of you email.  I haven't forgotten.  It's all here, in my inbox.  I have 30 comments to respond to from a previous post.  Please know I will, when I can.  In this moment, that's all I can offer.  Well, that, and a lot of love!

Peace, please.

Saturday, January 3, 2004

Happy Hour

Hey all ~  I've been in deep introspection since the dawning of the new year.  I'm here.  I'm reading.  I'm commenting.  But I haven't been moved to post yet.  My process is deep, luscious and beautiful.  I wish you could all be in the core of my spirit right now - just to get a taste!

I will update shortly.  But tonight I'm going to spend some quality time throwing back vodka martinis with some of my dearest friends. [SloMo, if you were here, you'd be with us!]  One of my friends just got home after a long three-week stint visiting her family in Mississippi.  She and her precious dog, Roshi, drove the southern route across the country and back.  I can't wait to hear all about it. 

Jen, Welcome home!  I missed you!  You are not allowed to leave town for more than a weekend at a time ANYMORE!!  [Right Cheryl? YEAH!]