Friday, December 19, 2003

Me, nervous?

ACK!  I woke up anxious this morning.  I haven't felt nervous all week, but with so many friends asking if I'm nervous, I think it's sinking in.  HA!  EEK!

I don't usually get nervous like I used to.  I get excited, my palms sweat and I get short of breath.  But I think I need that rush of adrenaline to play off of.  Singing and playing my own music is much different from acting in a play or a musical.  That stuff was written and directed by other people.  Tonight's "show" was written and directed by me...only me.  There's no one else to be accountable.  No band members even.  I have to create all that energy myself.  Maybe play off the audience/friends.  But still I have to contain it.  Yikes!

Years ago, I used to go to poetry circles.  It was a wonderful way to share music, thoughts, ideas, etc.  It's helped me understand the value in sharing.  So today when I get on stage, I imagine I'm sitting with peers, sharing.  If I think I'm "putting on a show" it'll look and feel contrived.  That's not who I am.  And it's not who I want to be.

Secret : I always get the feeling I need to rush through my set so everyone can get on with the things in their lives that they'd rather be doing.  As if they're all held captive in the audience.  Even though I hear laughing, clapping, crying even.  I can see smiles, tears and all eyes on me.  But still I wonder if everyone is bored!  I have friends who would call out names of songs they wanted to hear.  And I've denied them the pleasure because I thought they were just naming them out of support - not because they actually wanted to hear them!  [even songs that are on my Teaser CD]

Going to Jillian's and Jason's gigs this month really gave me a sense of what it's like to be in the audience, supporting a friend.  There's nothing they can do that would change my respect for them.  There's nothing like a live show!  Jillian broke a string and rolled her eyes about it.  Jason's a goofball and ad-libs a lot.  That reminded me that I often break out into laughter when I forget lyrics in the middle of a song.  You can't get that stuff on an album!

18 comments:

leerluft said...

breath...ommmm...yes, laugh your way through, bring in that organic personality that we know and love about you. :)

dazeychic said...

Yay! Good luck sweety! You'll rock! Just live in the moment and remember that they are there to support you and have a great time....you owe them nothing more than to be your fabulous self! I soo wish I could be there! Why does Cali have to be so dang far!? Im bummed. BUT I will be thinking of you! XXOO ~Shells

alphawoman1 said...

You'll be wonderful. I'll be thinking about you tonight.

chefgracegeorge said...

SAVOR your time in the spotlight tonight, Freep. You deserve it. I hope your audience knows what a gift you're giving them tonight. I'll be there in spirit, holding up my lighter!

irun01 said...

Your going to do awesome. I am so proud of you. ROCK THE HOUSE!!!

dymphna103 said...

Good luck tonight. I hope all went great...john

fyrecracker1 said...

Break a leg, Freee! (That's what they say in showbiz, kid!) ;o) Can't wait to hear ALL about it! Well, I won't actually HEAR anything - Ok... I can't wait to READ all about it! :o)

mallory4284 said...

I'm sure you did awesome!! (I say that in the past tense cause I know you're probably not gonna read this 'til after the fact) Note to self: go to freee's webpage and listen to her music....I've been meaning to do that....

slowmotionlife said...

I think I like performances like that much better. When things go wrong and you get to see the artist as they really are - vulnerable, honest, real. I so wish I could be there. But I'm wishing you the best of luck. I'm all dressed up over here. Gonna listen to your CD all night long, visit Cohen's website, and try to imagine that I'm sitting in the audience beside Muse, sipping a Tequila Sunrise, and cheering you on. Good luck, hon! :P

itsjustusinnc said...

{{{{{FREEE}}}}}

I guess things are already underway where you are but Break a leg tonight sweetheart!!! As for your secret: you got where you are & are going to even greater places because you have what it takes. NEVER forget that! Your friends merely know a good thing when they hear it. Yoda has spoken:-)

Gregg

krobbie67 said...

There's a difference between being held captive and being captivated. I'm sure the latter applies to your audiences when you perform. Here's hoping the nerves worked in your favor and you kicked arse tonight!!! :-)

musenla said...

TRISH HONEY, YOU DID GREAT! Wow, what a voice! I like your repertoire too, it's got everything. I had a fun evening and it was great seeing you perform live, woohoo!

miarenee24 said...

I was going to come here to see if you posted about last night yet, but I see that Mara was THERE! (lucky!) Breathing sighs of relief for you! I held my breath at your show-time and tried to send un-nervous vibes your way. I am one who always had stage-fright, so I guess I was nervous "for" you, thinking how "I" would be dealing with it! xo's from your fans in Alabama!

viarbooba said...

i'm sure your show was wonderful!!! my boyfriend and i was in a carwreck in 2001 and it was really bad. i had broken verterbreas in my neck, broken ribs, dislocated shouler, road rash, and a blood spot on my brain which was swelling. they done an mri and i was terrified. but it wasn't that bad at all. it's a little noisy but they gave me headphones to listen to music. i think the scariest thing is it's so closed up . you'll do fine. good luck with everything.

viviansullinwank said...

Oh WOW Free I can't wait to read about your take on your performance! I got so excited when I read that Mara was there and when I read that SloMo got all dressed up in honor of the event! I hope my CD arrives today I can't wait to hear your voice! May you have many MANY more successful gigs and hopefully more of us will be able to see them!

diannevan said...

I wish I could have tapped the heals of my ruby slippers and wished myself off to California so I could have been there!!

leerluft said...

ahhhh! no entry! that's ok. Just re read your entry and totally missed the poetry circle! I blame it on my ADD, anyway, how cooool. I love poetry, ofcourse, you might already know that. But, I thought it was very neat that you went to poetry circle thingies.I have never been. do they snap their fingers instead of clapping..is it just like the movies? :)

sunlightbbygrl said...

I hope everything went ok and I can't wait to hear the details! I would've loved to have been there! siempre, Shasta