Well, it didn't take long for me to come back down from my high. I know I must sound manic. But I feel like I live life from this empty, dark place more than I ever feel good. I want these moods to change places. I realize I must experience both highs and lows. But I want the majority of my life to be experienced from a high and maybe give the lows an hour here and there... rather than the other way around.
I was surprised by how wonderful I was feeling earlier. It was grounding. It was from the inside-out. It was authentic. I really know that. But I can't find that place in this moment. I'm stuck in despair. I'm writhing in tears. Discomfort. Lethargy. Apathy.
Dear God, Please help me remember who I am. Help me remember you. Show me my next breath. Show me truth. Help me accept things as they are, with love and compassion. Hold me when I'm in this forgetting. Carry me. Help me stay present. Don't let me disappear into myself.