Monday, November 24, 2003

More Stress?

[continued from above]

My life was already in an uproar.  My relationship was suffering.  I was miserable.  It was an intensely stressful time. Now this?

I met with the surgeon who explained nothing to me except that she wanted to cut my face open and remove the tumor.  There would be an incision starting at my temple, going down the side of my jawline, around the back of my ear and down my neck so they can open my face (like a book cover), remove the tumor, stitch my face and hope for minimal scarring.  The healing time could be up to a year.  Oh, and there's no guarantee they'll get all of the tumor and its components.  Oh, and there's no guarantee I won't be paralyzed for life.  Oh, and there's no guarantee the tumor won't return in years to come.  Oh, and there's no guarantee it won't affect my voice.  But she strongly recommended the surgery.  Again, no one was with me at this consultation. [when will I learn?]

I walked through the halls like a zombie.  I signed papers.  I scheduled pre-op procedures, MRIs, CT-scans, bloodwork.  And we scheduled the surgery.  Within a month I was to be in recovery for about a year.  I left there completely discombobulated (thank you Penny for reminding me of my favorite word).
 
I google-searched parotid tumors for days.  I went to the homeopathic pharmacy and was prescribed an expensive regimen.  I called a friend who knows everything about natural medicine.  I told loved ones I needed to shift just about everything in my life.  The more I thought about this tumor, the more pain I felt in my ear.  I felt the tugging in my throat.  I recited affirmations.  I started eating whole foods again.  I cut (down) on sugar intake.  I was eager to heal.
 
But my extreme fear led me to cancel the pre-op procedures.  And of course, I canceled the surgery itself.  After doing my own research I was sure I could heal myself.  I know I didn't have the surgeon's support as she told me these tumors can go through what is known as "malignant degeneration."  She was convinced I'd be back within three years to have the surgery like most of her patients.

[continued below]

3 comments:

slowmotionlife said...

::sigh::

musenla said...

oh my, you opted out. i can't believe my eyes! but i'm sitting here thinking, what would i do if i was in your place? i'd probably postpone it, too. did you at least get a second opinion?

babyshark28 said...

I think I need a nap now, I'm tired reading this.....wow Tha'ts a lot of stuff going on...