[continued from above]
The few months following, my life was more stressful than it had been in years. I couldn't afford the homeopathic remedies. I was taking care of others in my life, without first considering myself. I kicked into survival mode - which is basically another term for denial.
Last January I slowly started making major changes in my life. My ear began to hurt less and less. I would swear the tumor actually decreased in size. I was able to massage it without feeling pain. It was easy to deny it when it wasn't bothering me.
But recently, I've been feeling the earaches. My ears ring. There's a tugging in my throat. And the lump feels a little more swollen. I'm terrified. I know I need to make an appointment to get those tests done. A biopsy will prove that it's still benign. The MRI and CT-scan will show exactly where it's located and what size it is. But my debilitating terror keeps me from making that phone call.
I'm writing this in hopes I'll find the courage to do something [hey, I found the courage to write]. I don't want to give the tumor a lot of attention. I want to give myself the attention. I do believe in natural healing. I believe in the power of prayer and affirmation. I believe I am what I believe I am. And if I believe I'm sick, then that I shall be. So in this moment, I am well.
Please don't try to convince me to have the surgery. Please don't try tough-loving me into the surgeon's office. Please support me on my journey to peace. Please allow me to have my process. Please listen. Please check in. And please, for God's sake, love me and make me laugh! Love and Laughter Heals!