Sunday, October 19, 2003

Obsession - part 1

And now for something completely different...

There's a little stalker in each of us.  We've all been there.  And those who say they haven't, have been there more than most!  We look to others for acceptance.  We want to be noticed.  We look outside ourselves just for that ounce of validation.  We will shred our dignity to be seen in the way we want to be seen.  We want to be loved.  But more than that, we want to be liked.  We go out of our way to be acknowledged.  We plant ourselves in places where we can't be missed.  We get the idea in our head that if we're not accepted, then we're not worthy of breath.  We cut ourselves to the bone.  We become righteous, bitter and angry when we don't get what we want. 

What we're not seeing is we're always getting what we need.  But this is for those moments of angst when we think we know what we need - and no one can tell us different!  We go for it.  We get it.  And when we find out it's not all that, we're crushed (maybe that's why they call it a crush)

(continued)

3 comments:

musenla said...

Your entry reminds me of The Ballad of the Sad Cafe by Carson McCullers: "There are the lover and the beloved, but these two come from different countries. Often the beloved is only a stimulus for all the stored-up love which has lain quiet within the lover for a long time hitherto. And somehow every lover knows this. He feels in his soul that his love is a solitary thing. He comes to know a new, strange loneliness and it is this knowledge which makes him suffer."

happyb8888 said...

What you describe here is classic co-dependancy, where the dependant requires the validation of others in order to be. In such cases, the source of love lies outside the self. Amazing what mind lies can do to a person: http://journals.aol.com/happyb8888/MarciaEllenLifeAsItOughtToBe/entries/22

That Happy Chica,
Marcia Ellen

aynetal3 said...

Hey Freee,

I think that a lot of people including ourselves are "stalker-like." When we were younger, we didn't grow up trusting the adults who were supposed to care about us. I think we're still looking for people who will love us and validate us because of our specialness (our humaness). For a lot of us bad attention is better than no attention. If we don't get that attention, we will cease to live ... hold our breath. It says, "I protest!"

Our love,
Ayn